word vomit

What are they doing? Doesn't matter, I can't see anyway. I wonder if they can see me. Woah I think I'm slouching. Sit up. My arm's itchy. Should I scratch it? Might as well - the itch is travelling all the way down my right arm anyway. Now my left arm is itchy. Or is it? Maybe it's just jealous coz my right arm got a scratch? I'll scratch it anyway. Why am I still itchy? Maybe I'm allergic to my lotion again? Wait, I was never allergic to my lotion - I was allergic to night time. That was after I got back from the US. Maybe the US air has something weird in it. Uhoh I'm leaning too far to the left. I bet that guy thinks I have a crush on him coz I was practically lying on him. Idiot. Guys are so full of themselves. I'm gonna turn away just to prove I don't give a crap that he's sitting next to me. I'll cross my legs the other way. Oops, kicked away my gym bag - and now I'm uncomfortable... and my leg's showing. Crap. Ok recompose - stand up, adjust your skirt and sit back down. Now my back's itchy. I can't scratch it coz I'm wearing a jacket and any attempt to scratch won't help the itch at all. I might even make it worse. Stuff it. I'll just bear it. Now... what day is it? Wednesday - already. Excellent. What's to do on the weekend? Oh yeh, I remember. That should be fun. What did I do last weekend? Oh yeh, I remember, heh. When's my credit card bill due? OMG TODAY! Wait... relax, it's taken care of. Where am I right now? Oh right, got it. My lips are dry. Should I lick them? Nah, that'll just make it worse. Wait, I have vaseline. No I don't, I lent it to Veed this morning. I'm sleepy. Wait, why is it so cold? Where's that light coming from? Right. The sun - better put on my sunnies. Ok sun's behind a cloud. Now I'm just wearing sunnies in the dark. Useless. Why can't I stop moving? Ok better sleep, time will go faster that way...

I'm always so anxious, a bit flustered, a bit agitated, a bit excitable. I don't know why. It's like I don't know how to sit still without my mind wandering off to different places, entertaining so many thoughts at once. I can't stay in one position without feeling uncomfortable or rigid. I need to move. It seems, though, that even when I find a position I'm comfortable in someone needs me to get out of their way, I'll cramp up, my shoe will slip off, my calf will itch, my back starts to hurt... SOMETHING will give me a reason to readjust.

Which is why things are so strange right now. Without uni, my life's become a routine. I tried to mix it up by taking up salsa classes every week and, more recently, going to the gym after work. Still, I end up sitting and staring when I get home wondering whether I should be doing something more. This is then why I need to go back to school. I may be graduating two weeks from today (!!), but I'll be back in class a couple of weeks after that. Should be fun.

When the year 2005 started, I promised myself it'd be a good year. I had just finished uni, I was going to be a permanent employee at work, I was going to meet tonnes of new people through the grad program, I was going to pick up some new hobbies, I was going to be empowered and good things were going to happen for me.

It's almost May. Almost a third of the way through the year. It's just flown by. So many things have happened, so many things have changed, people are changing, I'm changing, everyone's doing their thing... I wonder whether I'm keeping up. Once again, I wonder whether I should be doing more. At the end of it all, I decide that life's a ride, and I'm going to ride it. I think I end up happier that way.

On a completely unrelated note, someone who doesn't really speak to me much at all just asked me to help them with their homework because "they know I'm smart". Not even a "Hey, how you doin?"
More often than not, I'm more than willing to help someone who needs me with things they can't handle. But when you know they're just using you... *sigh* dust it off Nel, dust it off

[/babble] Seeya!