I've never been great with making decisions. The process of making plans is filled with "it's up to you", "I really don't mind...", "I'm fine either way" and "we'll just see what happens". It's difficult because whether I intend it or not, the decisions I make affect people.
"I'm fine either way" translates to a lack of enthusiasm and detatchment from the subject when sometimes it simply means I genuinely prefer to do what the majority will enjoy.
"We'll just see what happens" immediately translates to "I don't wanna go" even though I'm just excited about doing something spontaneous and unplanned.
... most of the time, I just want decisions made for me so I don't have to consider alternatives and try to be accommodating. I just want to go where the stream of life takes me. When there's a fork in the stream, I want to be forced into the right direction - the direction I'm supposed to go.
It was easier yesterday. The decision was much easier yesterday. I knew where I wanted to go because there was close to nothing pulling me the other way. I wouldn't go the other way unless someone closed off the entry to the path I wanted to go. I was just waiting for someone to tell me my fate.
Now all of a sudden, I'm not so sure. I look the other way and I see potential; I see opportunity and I wonder whether I should give the opportunities a chance, or continue in the direction I was going; in a direction that's not certain.
I don't know what I want now. I don't have a crystal ball that's gonna tell me which choice will make me happier in the long run. There's a chance I'll have options. There's a chance I'll have to make a decision. I'm just scared I'll make the wrong one...
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