Saturday, June 03, 2006

i'm probably more of a chicken masala

Stacy: Our relationship is like an addiction. It's— like—
House: Really good drugs?
Stacy: No, it's like— vindaloo curry.
House: Ok, sure—
Stacy: Really, really hot Indian curry they make with red chilli peppers.
House: I know what it is! Didn't think it was addictive.
Stacy: You're abrasive and annoying and come on way too strong, like... vindaloo curry. When you're crazy about curry, that's fine but no matter how much you love curry, you have too much of it, it takes the roof of your mouth off. And then you never want to see curry for a really, really long time but you wake up one day and you think... god I really miss curry. You're a jerk.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

just as i thought...



You're Ginnie! You're a perfectionist, driven for success in all you do. You're not satisfied with being less than great at anything you do. Family and love is equally important to you, of course.
Take this quiz!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

the argument for idealists

Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life
-- John F. Kennedy

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Let me tell you something true...

<deleted>

... it actually hurt more than I thought it would to write that.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

they tell me not to complain

... but there's NO freaking way I'm treated the same as my younger sister - NO FREAKING WAY!

Apparently, I am going to curse this house. This is what he thinks of me - I'm a curse. That's nice to know. Then he wonders why I don't even bother to try to get along with him sometimes. I'm so over it.

Judge me all you want. Just don't blame me if I start to hate you.

SEEYA!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

"you'll be fine"

... is what I'm hearing a lot of lately. But no matter how many times I hear it, the apprehension that I've been feeling takes over.

I've taken a new role in another team within the bank. It was a pretty fast process. One week I was talking to a workmate about opportunities in her division and four weeks later I've interviewed, waited, been confused, been pulled around, made a decision, dropped it on my team, handed over in a rush and taken time off. While it was all happening time felt like it was snailing along. Now, I look at tomorrow and see the manifestation of everything that's happened in the last four weeks and I wonder where the time's all gone...

... and I'm scared. It's a fear I'm sure will be replaced by the excitement of being in a new team, meeting new people and taking on new challenges. It's a funny fear... and I like it.

The last four days have been quite refreshing... will probably be the last break I get till Easter. The first thing I'm gonna do is have yumcha. Loads and loads of yumcha. Who's coming? I miss Asian food. I gave it up for Lent this year. It's tough. Really tough.

One last thing before I sign out: I love my friends. I don't say it enough. I probably don't show it enough either. My house drawing analysis (courtesy of the girls) says I'm 'closed off' and make it 'difficult' for people to get close to me. But I know that when I do let that handful of people into here *points to heart* , the thought that I'd ever really permanently drift away from them terrifies me. So I just wanted them to know that I do love them - I just suffer from an abnormal complex that prevents me from showing it in a non-retarded way.

Ok that's all. Check ya'll later.

PS. I watched Walk the Line last night. That was a nice movie :)

Saturday, March 04, 2006

[re]actions speak louder than words

When I'm stuck on a trivial choice, flipping a coin and going with what it says generally works.

This, however, isn't a trivial choice... it's my career.

This is how he suggested I decide:

"Take a coin, call it, flip it and see what you get. Then read your reaction. It'll tell you what you really want. If you're disappointed with the outcome, you know you want the other option."

I didn't have to flip the coin to know which outcome would disappoint me. I already felt it.

Here goes...

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

make the choice for me

I've never been great with making decisions. The process of making plans is filled with "it's up to you", "I really don't mind...", "I'm fine either way" and "we'll just see what happens". It's difficult because whether I intend it or not, the decisions I make affect people.

"I'm fine either way" translates to a lack of enthusiasm and detatchment from the subject when sometimes it simply means I genuinely prefer to do what the majority will enjoy.

"We'll just see what happens" immediately translates to "I don't wanna go" even though I'm just excited about doing something spontaneous and unplanned.

... most of the time, I just want decisions made for me so I don't have to consider alternatives and try to be accommodating. I just want to go where the stream of life takes me. When there's a fork in the stream, I want to be forced into the right direction - the direction I'm supposed to go.

It was easier yesterday. The decision was much easier yesterday. I knew where I wanted to go because there was close to nothing pulling me the other way. I wouldn't go the other way unless someone closed off the entry to the path I wanted to go. I was just waiting for someone to tell me my fate.

Now all of a sudden, I'm not so sure. I look the other way and I see potential; I see opportunity and I wonder whether I should give the opportunities a chance, or continue in the direction I was going; in a direction that's not certain.

I don't know what I want now. I don't have a crystal ball that's gonna tell me which choice will make me happier in the long run. There's a chance I'll have options. There's a chance I'll have to make a decision. I'm just scared I'll make the wrong one...

Friday, February 17, 2006

no words

I just had the most wonderful night with my cousins (+ the 2 boyfriends)...



... that's what I'm really gonna miss.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

my girl... my angel

How do I write about how a girl that looked up to me became the only person I am truly obedient to?
How do I write about the most beautiful, most mature, most kind-hearted person in my life?
How do I write about the annoying little girl that followed me around, copied everything I did but has now become the kind of woman I, myself, am supposed to strive to be?

She's radical. When you tell people what she - and all of us - believes is her life's calling, they're stunned. They're astonished at her committment, her determination, her perseverence in the midst of so much discouragement from people around her and the struggles she faced within her own heart. How can you not be?

She did this because she was pure. Her heart held the purest of intentions. She fell in love. A true love, a pure love, a love that can only come from Jesus Christ - perseverence till the end.

Noone expected her to have to leave us so soon. The reality of it hasn't hit me yet and I sometimes wonder whether she really will be gone in 3 weeks. The only thing that's keeping me from letting the sadness of her hardly being around overwhelm me is an image of her in my mind, during the Adore06 masses, singing in Latin, with a smile of undoubtable joy towards her service to God. She glows, she truly glows.

He made the choice for her. Once she realised it, she spent all of two years saying 'yes, here I am, take me' with her life, her actions and everything she did.

You're a true inspiration, Kristela. I admire your strength, your tenacity and your faith. You bring joy to all of us and I truly believe you'll shine in your chosen vocation. There are no words. You'll always be in my heart and in my prayers. I love you.

PS. Seeya on the flipside my love.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

what a beautiful story

I just finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha. What an extraordinary story. I read the last couple of chapters on the way home this evening and felt a sense of peace as I closed the book after the last sentence.

That book definately tugged on some heart strings, let me tell you.

Today was the end of my two day working week coz I'll be off to Brisbane tomorrow for ADORE06. What will come out of it... who knows?

Had lunch today @ Sky Phoenix for John's birthday. I was this close to not going because I felt like a bit of a JI but when I got there I decided I was being much too petty. It's always good to catch up with friends you only get to see once every couple of months - or in Ed's case, once a year... though I expect that to change now he's back :)

After work, a few of the grads got together at Senate to farewell Ken before he runs away to HK. What a move. It was a great turn out, I must say. I'm glad that the weather held out because cheap steak + summer night = VERY CHILL.

I'm gonna be doing a lot of last-minute packing tomorrow. I'm so hopeless at doing things in advanced - that should be another resolution hey? They're coming along... my resolutions... hopefully they'll be ready by the end of the month.

Good night :)

Monday, January 16, 2006

the return of the recount

Maybe I should make it a resolution of mine to start blogging again. Maybe.

The last weekend quite exciting.

Hung out with the work peeps on Friday night. It's fun to get together with them every few months just to see what everyone's up to. Seemed, on Friday, that lots of people had some gripes with what they're doing for work. But we all managed to forget all that on Friday to enjoy ourselves. We started off at Forbes. I only managed to have one drink because the one I had (the strawberry daiquairi which the bartender hated making) made me a little dizzy. Nix and Al were there and needed a little nourishment after a few so we went to Wagamama for dinner. I went back to Forbes while they went home and chilled there for a little more before heading to Bar333 to finish up. Good night. Very good night.

Saturday was very chill. I stayed in bed for most of the morning until I decided it was time to get out. I took a stroll around the mall for a little before going home for some yummy Thai. While I was roaming around, I came across the CUTEST Maltese x mini Poodles in a pet store. One of them bit my hand and I swear, I stare at the scratch its little teeth made on my knuckle every day. I want one so bad! Not now, I have enough dogs... but maybe when I move out on my own. Who wants to buy me one?

Saturday night was Veed's 21st Birthday Party at the Blacket. It was nice to see a few people I hadn't seen for a while. I'm glad Veed had a good night. I made such a gross speech... but apparently the DVD Kim, Kate and I prepared for her (which stuffed up half way) made her happy.

Sunday was lazy az. I think I woke up, ate, slept, ate, then went to church. SO lazy. My Kuya from the Phils flew in yesterday afternoon so we had a big family dinner at home.

Right now... I'm tired. I'm watching Supernatural - interesting... bit scary though =
How's that? A recount! I'll try to check in more often.

Peace out homies.

PS. Ok... Supernatural is freaky.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

goodbye 2005

Until this year, I had a good set of blogs to draw my last hurrah blog from.

This year goes a little something like this (yes, I counted them):
j[16];f[12];m[10];a[10];m[4];j[2];j[2];a[3];s[8];o[4];n[2];d[1];

Nevertheless, I still look back on the year and see one of the most monumental, life-changing and fulfilling experiences in my life thus far.

My mum told me that this year was going to be different. She told me this while she was in hospital a year ago. I couldn't completely understand why or how this year could possibly differ from any other year - but here I am, 12 months later wondering how I could possibly think otherwise.

This year was definately a year of change.

I watched my friends hurl themselves into "the real world" - whether it be a new job, a new relationship, a new country, a new role, a new house, a new environment, new realisations, new lives - I couldn't name any one of my friends who didn't experience a new world. It was inspriring because new worlds come with new challenges many of us weren't prepared for until we looked up and found ourselves in the middle of it. We didn't have uni to hold us together; nor did we have regular 21sts or planned get togethers to regularly bring us together. Old routines were replaced with new ones and we all struggled in one way or another to find the right balance between work, life, leisure... between friends, family and partners.

And at the end of it all, we all came out on top right? (probably minus one or two hiccups during the year) I think we're still far off from being one hundred per cent satisfied with where we are and what we've achieved but I'm satisfied enough knowing that people around me are happy - or at least slowly finding their place.

What about my year? I didn't know how to do this; blog about what the year's been like for me personally. I was listening to this song last night and I thought it captured what I want to say:
Sometimes you get happy
Sometimes you get blue
No matter the reason life's about what you do
A little by little you make it somehow
No use for your worry the time is now
...

Whatever we try
Whatever we do
We live and we die
It's all up to you
A new life will grow and follow it through
And rivers will flow and dreams will come true


These Days - Misteeq
...because I'm a strong believer that what you experience and consequently, how your life turns out depends greatly on your choices. So here goes:

My Choices
* I chose to take up salsa... for one session =* I chose to be liberal with my money - that's going to have to change next year
* I chose to say 'yes' more
* I chose to open my heart... then eventually ...
* I chose to follow my heart
* I chose to make new friends, to form new bonds
* I chose to go back to studying
* I chose to be more outspoken
* I chose to be pro-active; to plan things I wouldn't normally plan
* I chose to travel
* I chose to participate in more activities
* I chose to stop exercising
* I chose to watch more movies
* I chose to be ignorant to things I cannot control
* I chose to learn to surf (even though I failed miserably)
* I chose to practise self-control
* I chose to shake off anything not worth the stress I would feel
* I chose to be happy

That's all I really have to say. The rest of it lives in my head. Farewell 2005

Saturday, December 03, 2005

This time...

Four years ago...
I discovered my love for seafood when Tita Beth and co came over and it's all we ate!
I started gymming for the first time - lots of fire, lots of motivation. Those were the days...
I was still insanely in love with my website - spryte061.com was still in its infancy.
My mind was immature, I had plenty to learn.

Three years ago...
I was on fire.
Pretty sure I was smitten already...
Interviews! Interviews! Interviews! - zero strike rate. Ouch.
I was transitioning out of a life that I shared with someone, to a life on my own. I learnt to be independent, I saw the world from a different view. I had questions because I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what I stood for, my mind was working itself out.

Two years ago...
I just started my Summer Vacation stint at Macquarie - I just realised it was my 2 year anniversary the other day!
I was on a high because, while so much in my life was unsure and messy, my career was rolling somewhere and that gave me peace.
I was preparing for my 21st Birthday do - all last minute of course =]
Self-awareness was a big thing for me
Hexic was big for everyone

One year ago...
Dramas just died down... for the time being
I've probably never analysed so much in my life
I was on an emotional rollercoaster. The whole episode our family went though - all the emotions, the tears and the fear - put lots of things in perspective for me.
I was considering a career change
The summer I was going to have in Hawai'i and Europe turned into a Summer in Sydney

... which brings me to This year...
I'm happy. Probably the happiest I've been for a good while.
My idealist life still contains imperfections but I've learnt that there'll never be a time when EVERYTHING's perfect. Something's always gonna add a bit of colour to my life to motivate me to press on and not take anything for granted.
I've learnt the importance of patience and perseverance. I haven't arrived at the place I'm at now without a bit of patience - without accepting the downsides of the happiness that come my way.
And it's the perseverance that teaches me to appreciate what good does come my way.

THE PAST is a funny thing. I look back on it and I cringe at the things I've said and done that I've moved on from, I reflect on my evolution and I realise that the choices I made were the right ones.

That's all that's on my mind really. Apologies that it's been a pretty "all-about-me" kind of post but Nix said I had to update :)

In other news...
* Nix's birthday do last Saturday
* SIA Trimester is over. Exam was on Wednesday night and I'm fine to not have to talk about bonds and bills for a good 10 years
* ISD Christmas Party Wednesday night @ The Overseas Passenger Terminal - pics on the imagestation
* Uncle Joel's getting married tomorrow (well, today)!

Ok that's it. I'm sleepy. Seeya!

PS. My mind's still immature - I've just learnt to hide it :)

Monday, November 07, 2005

Never leave that till tomorrow, which you can do today

We can't pretend we haven't been told
We've all heard the proverbs
.. heard the philosophers
.. heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time
.. heard the damn poets urging us to 'seize the day'

Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves
.. we have to make our own mistakes
.. we have to learn our own lessons
.. we have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug

Until we can't anymore
Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant:

That knowing is better than wondering
That waking is better than sleeping
.. and that even the biggest failure
.. even the worst most intractable mistake
Beats the hell out of never trying
-- Grey's Anatomy Season One, Episode Six

That was an EXCELLENT episode.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

randoms

There are so many gorgeous [wo]men out there.

But the thing is this:

After a while, you just wanna be with the one that makes you laugh...

How true.

... and

nel: ok, I'm coming now. I just have to take a shower and -
mindy: so... you'll be here in an hour and a half?
...
nel: I'm so rushing to prove you wrong. I'll be there in 45 minutes... I'm timing it
mindy: so am I

4 minutes down... now I'm leaving...

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

two types

There are two types of people - those who come into a room and say "Well, here I am!", and those who come in and say "Ah, there you are!"

You can usually sort them out after 20 seconds of conversation...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

chill

Amel Larrieux - Make Me Whole

Let me tell you why I love that song.

I love it because...

... through the chatter of uni students arguing about requirements and assignment deadlines
... through the hustle and bustle of Central in the PM
... through the screeching brakes of cars and buses along Broadway
... through the beats the beat boxing busker produced in the Devonshire Tunnel
... through the sound of tickets being entered and removed from the Central Station turnstiles
... through the clicking of heels of women rushing for their trains
... through the announcements and re-announcments of the trains on Platform 18 & 19
... through the familiar sounds coming from trains arriving and departing Central
... through the innocent stories the kids on the train told

it soothed me. It brought down all the stress I was feeling. About school. About work. About everything.

It was just....... chill.
(hehe)

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Rita Mae Brown

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory

It's so true, it's almost disturbing.

Monday, October 03, 2005

copacabaaaaana

Michelle Branch - Desperately

Another Labour Day weekend away has come and gone. Spent this one up at Copacabana (yes, it's a real place) with the oots peeps. It was a beeeautiful weekend! The sun was out all Sunday and Monday - I laaahved it! Something else I love about the small towns outside the city is that the nights are so quiet and you can see millions of stars in the sky - it's so beautiful! I really want to get a holiday place up the coast to be able to run away to that whenever I want.

It also helped to be surrounded with people that collectively kept me in a good mood all weekend. Thanks kids.

Pictures are up on the i-station. Enjoy!

... aaaaaaaaand now, back to reality.

"There's something 'bout the way you looked at me"