FLASHBACK: May 3rd 2003

have you all seen the video clip of foolish by ashanti? i think it's soooo sad at the end when she's leaving and sees him at the door and drops her bags. i felt her pain. and i hate that i know that's what i'm like. i'm so pathetic.

--

Do you remember that song? The words are echoing ever so loudly in my head right now. I remember back then when, no matter how unhappy I was with him, no matter how badly I knew the relationship wasn't good for me, no matter how hurtful his actions were... I went back. I was convinced that the "good" aspects of the relationship were enough to keep me there. I was convinced that they were going to hold us together. Even if the good times made me happy - it was a temporary happiness that was always cut short by the inherent problems in our relationship.

I think that's one of the most difficult thing I ever had to go through. Walking away from something that wasn't good for me most of the time even though it made me happy some of the time. Comes back to my theory about the power of hope - but you've heard enough about that from me.

So I stop and think that maybe, you could learn to appreciate me. Then it all remains the same that you ain't ever gonna change...

The ideal part of me wants so much to believe in change.

*phew* Enough reminiscing...

Something else that's on my mind... what makes an experience enjoyable? Is it where you are and what you do? or is it more who you're with?

I definately think it's the latter... maybe. I'm still contemplating the whole thing in my head actually.