mama knows best

Now that my mum's in hospital and unable to really talk to us, talking to her is like having a diary that writes back to you with advice. It's so much easier to take her words of wisdom these days too because it's on paper. There's no irritation or impatience that comes free with some advice services (hi, like mine =]) and I'm able to reflect on it before reacting to it.

So, it was suggested to me yesterday that I might be feeling incomplete; that I feel a sense of emptiness in my heart. I never really accepted the possibility of me feeling emptiness. I always thought that feeling empty was selfish. I mean, I have a wonderful family, the best network of friends, my dream job and to top it off God is a part of my life. What else could I possibly need?

Then I figured it out.

A "special someone" would be nice. Someone that chooses me. Someone I don't have to share. Someone that wants to share my world.

When I told Veed what I had discovered, she told me about a "conversation" she had with my mum earlier in the week where my mum wrote the following (my mum writes everything in a diary, so I was able to read what she wrote):

Your sister has had many dreams, ever since she was young. Most of them have come true, except one. I want her to let go of it and move on. She needs to stop being so idealistic and loosen up.

Now, if anyone told me that, it'd go in one ear, out the other. I'd probably even get offended because someone was telling me to "loosen up" and I'd probably snap "loosen THIS" straight back. But like I said earlier, I can't get mad about the diary that writes back to me, and like the title of this blog states Mama knows best. She may not know EVERYTHING about my whole life, but she knows me. She knows what needs to happen. She knows what I have to do. I know what I have to do. I'm trying, I really am.

This is not to say that I think I need a boyfriend. I'd eat worms before I ever believe that. While there's noone around, I'm content with what I have already. I'm not settling for anyone. I can't lose EVERYTHING idealistic about me.

Good Night. Sorry if this post was a mess. It's not meant to make sense.

Laters.