Ok, I'm not generally a sad person (at least, I'd like to believe that) but I just need to say this straight out because it's kinda been eating at me for a while.

I think it was Cruz's birthday earlier this year when I asked it first. I asked the girls what was so special and so extraordinary about having a boyfriend. They attempted to answer my question, but being Ms. I-don't-NEED-a-boyfriend, I brushed each off as something that's not really a necessity.

Today, after a looooot of thinking, I came to the conclusion that I'd LOVE to be somebody's somebody...
...I'd love to be the first person on someone's mind when they wake up in the morning
...I'd love to feel like I complete someone's life
...I'd love to have someone making sure I'm okay all the time
...I'd love to have someone wondering what I'm doing
...I'd love to fall in love

This is so not me. I don't know why I want this all of a sudden. But I suppose, when you realise that you're always going to be second or third in other peoples' lives - you get a little selfish and want someone for yourself.

As much as I don't think I deserve it... I wish I could have it. Someday, one day... maybe.

This isn't to say that I want just ANYBODY. There's a HUGE difference between being anybody's somebody and being somebody's somebody. Don't you think?

I wonder whether I'm lucky enough to have experienced something like that temporarily. Maybe it's made me worse off - because you can't really want something you've never experienced at all.

Oh well. Back to reality. It's not my will, it's His - and there really isn't anything more you could want if it's His will, right?

Laters.