Thursday, February 24, 2005

Defining Moments

I watched Hitch last night - thank you Virgin. I enjoyed it, bar the bit that had me hissing "bit*h" every 5 minutes.

It brought up the theme of defining moments; the way specific moments in your past contributed to the person you are. It's fascinating. The thought that there's that moment in time that quite possibly changed the direction of your life, changed your attitudes and ideals.

I don't quite know when my defining moments were. Brainstorming, I came up with:

1. Hearing my parents tell me the column 2 tick against "computer skills" on my Year 4 report should have been a column 1 tick - my motivation to excel in computing was born that afternoon
2. High School - made me cautious in my relationships
3. One of the many breakups I had back in 2002 - I remember vowing, the following day, that I'd be happy no matter what; that I'd be happy being single because I didn't ever want to depend on a guy for my happiness

That's all I can think of right now, unfortuately. There have to be more. I'm still trying to find out who I am and what defines me. Without knowing that, how can I begin to pinpoint what moments brought me here.

Self-discovery is enlightening.


Opportunities... you can only chase them so far. If it ain't meant to be, it won't be - so what's the point in continuing the chase?

I'm over it.


I've been reading He's Just Not That Into You lately. Interesting book... it's not flawless and I didn't really read anything I didn't already know. The only bit that jumped out at me was the part where it said something like: He's making a CHOICE. Everyday he's making a choice to not be with you.

I've naturally extended it to include: One day he could make the choice to be with someone else, do you want to continue choosing him?

It's just ridiculous. Indecisive or not, THAT really makes sense to me. Hi face value.


I was also thinking, Hitch is like a self-help book for men. I guess, since men aren't avid self-help book readers, they had to make a movie. Sorta...



Tuesday, February 22, 2005


Those who stand for nothing fall for anything
Alexander Hamilton


Sunday, February 20, 2005


Apparently, my blogs are too cluttered for Ian to read. Hi Ian.

Unfortunately, my mind's a bit like that - cluttered. So a lot of what I say or what I write is a bit cluttered because the way I think is cluttered. Funny.

So, it's been a big week for me. From Monday to Wednesday I had graduate induction - finally a permy! We had drinks @ Ryan's Bar after induction Wednesday to mark the end of induction and the start of our professional work lives *sigh* I must say, I've met so many interesting people in the past week - so many different personalities, each with their own story... I love it!

The first two days of work came and went.

I met the cheddar for "half milo/half mocha" on Thursday night before he flew off for two weeks. This will be interesting. I met Minh after to shop around for her outfit for Saturday night and some general work clothes. We both felt the urge to buy new clothes for work! eeps!

Friday night a bunch of the Mac bankwide grads got together @ Verandah Bar to drink to our first weekend! Go the Long Island Ice Team (nice one)! That's the second week in a row that I've been drinking twice. Geeeez. After drinks, I went with Mel and Ian to Superbowl for a late dinner. That was sickening (I ate too much) - I'm not eating there for a while (it's a great place, it's my fault really...)

Saturday was a long one. It was Coogee for Ryan and Sarah's BBQ from around 2pm. We fled Coogee when the coastguards warned us that a hailstorm was headed our way (Pat: Tsunami! Tsunami!). We retreated to Westfield Bondi Junction where Minh and Mel did a bit of shopping and we had dinner in the "Restaurant Precinct" (sorry, I think that's funny).

We went to Mac BS to take advantage of free parking for the first time and to get ready for the joint party at Bar Luca. We met with Mindy and went to the party - we felt so old. Not that these kids were 18 or anything... they were a year younger than us.

The four of us went to City Extra CQ instead to chill out and have some dessert. Afterwards, we were ready to turn in. When we got to my car it was about quarter to midnight. Nice girls... we're getting old =)

Today was POST-ADORE at Enmore. I loved it. I always do. Those kids are excellent!

Here are a couple random thoughts going through my cluttered mind:
1. I have trouble expressing anger toward people that hurt me (Relatives don't count. Hi Veed. I love you sister)
2. I don't like pursuing something that turns me into someone I don't want to be...

Now, I'm ready to turn in... and it's 9.30pm! Eesh! Bye!

PS. This was a recount. Sorry. I'm bad at recounts

Monday, February 14, 2005

if only things were that simple

Happy Valentine's Day ya'll!

... not a day I will be celebrating, third year in a row! You know what makes me smile though? The way that my friends make the effort to wish me a Happy V-day. It's nice because I don't expect it at all, and it's nice that they're thinking about you enough to drop you a message or an SMS (or whatever). So I dropped a few, so hopefully I've made some people smile today =)

Ok so...

Saturday Night I went to Roxy Parra with the girls. Free drinks for 2 hours for $10 meant that we were pretty tipsy by the time we stumbled out of the place. We made a pit stop at Macca's before heading out to the city to do some dancing at the Brooklyn Hotel. I had a great time!

Today was my first day at Mac as a permy (yay for free weekend parking!). I was at the training centre today where I got to sit through orientation talks and socialise with the other grads. There are so many of us! I think they said we've got 49 Bankwide grads this year. I had a good time today too... we're taking our security pass photos tomorrow - can't wait! I'm so sick of having such an embarrassment of a photo on my pass. Hi luvo.

Now, since it's Valentine's Day and I'm single as hell, I'm gonna sleep till morning now. Thanks, bye.

PS. The boys are in the air now - bye! Ew, I'm actually gonna miss them.

Saturday, February 12, 2005


Chinese New Year @ Gas went off!

... well, I had fun =) Thanks to everyone for making it a fantastic night!

I woke up this morning with a considerable hangover. Not so much a hangover because I had some to drink - I was sober by the time I got into bed - but the "what happened?" type hangover. It wasn't a repeat of my do-not-remember-anything experience at Bar Broadway last year *shudder* I just had a lot on my mind. I was lying in bed for 3 hours this morning (I slept for only 4 hours can you believe??) trying to organise my thoughts.

It's funny the things that go down in the club atmosphere. Where there's alcohol, there's ego. Then there's the silent consensus that what happens in the club, stays in the club. It's a different world in there and there's a tendency to do things we wouldn't normally do.

There are reasons. There are reasons we do things we're not particularly proud of. There are reasons we react so passionately to certain things. They're not always good reasons, but y'know...

Sometimes the situation you're in, the people you're with, the atmosphere you're in, the expectations people place on you turn you into someone else. The comforting thing is, the people that care about you - the ones that matter the most - know who you really are. They know when you've made mistakes or when you've made crappy decisions and they continue to stick by you no matter what happens.

I've already been told off once about it this morning. I don't need to hear it again.

Ok... looks like the Roxy tonight.


PS. Ew. My Dad reckons he wants to set me up with someone coz I've been single forever. You shoulda seen my face when brought it up. I swear... *grr*
PPS. Double ew. I share a wall with my parents' ensuite bathroom. My Dad was suggesting he put a vent on the wall so I can feel the airconditioner from their bedroom. Did he not think that I don't want to be... smelling stuff?
PPPS. Pictures are up...
PPPPS. I watched The Notebook again. I'm not a hater anymore. It was beautiful. Still a bit easy, but it pulled a few strings in my coronary organ.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

On my plate...

[no] Legally Blonde 2
[yes] Where the Heart Is
[YES] Before Sunset
[yes] Don't Say a Word
[no] The Terminal
[no] The In-Laws
[YES] A Few Good Men
[yes] Primal Fear

These are the DVD/Videos I've been watching the past couple of weeks. Tonight I'm going to give The Notebook another squizz. Denk made me feel like a "cardboard box" for falling asleep and not crying when we saw it at the "theatre" in New Jersey so I guess I should give it a chance huh?

I haven't really been blogging because bijooh's been down, so I'm temporarily back at blogspot 'till we're back up and running.

It was a beautiful day on Tuesday. The sun was out, there was a light breeze and I... was stuck at home. I decided in an instant that I was going to go to the beach that day, whether I was going on my own or not. Manio pointed out that I've been wanting to go all "leave" (that's what I'm calling my pre-work holiday) but I'd never gone. I'd been waiting for someone, ANYONE, to go with me but Tuesday was the day I wasn't waiting around... so I went on my own. It was nice... quality time with me. As I lay on the beach hoping to go a shade darker, I could feel the breeze on my skin, the little particles of sand slowly burying me, and the heat of the summer all around me. It was wonderful. I dipped in every now and then to wash the sand that had breezed over my skin and I alternated between reading about "The Rules", Emotional IQ and sleeping. Maroubra Beach is beautiful on a quiet weeekday. I wish I did it more often!

... was a bit of a nothing day, I think. I went to Ash Wednesday mass in the morning and decided I was giving up my late nights (past midnight, if not, 12.30am [unless I'm going out]), coffee, rice for dinner (and all day Fridays, along with meat), fast food; and decided to try to go to mass daily, say the Rosary at least twice daily and go to adoration weekly.

... oh yeh, I also went to Parramatta to pick the car up from service. That's all.

I had a good morning-afternoon. I watched Primal Fear once I got up. The Foxtel Digital guys came buy to make sure I never know the channel numbers of any channel on cable (it's so complicated!) and I picked Veed up from the doctor after she decided she was too dizzy to go to work.

THEN, I picked up Geno and went with Veed to meet Kim and Kris at St. Patrick's Parramatta for mass. I loved that we were all together. After mass, we went to OLMC to say hi to Katie then proceeded to have a late lunch at Westfield. Cousin time is so enjoyable... even if I am the oldest, these were the kids I grew up with. I love 'em lots!

I went by Fairfield to buy tickets for *cough*Gas*cough* tomorrow night before settling back at home. I'm thinking of going to Kim's house now to keep bonding.

Tomorrow should be fun.

I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City as of late. It's only on every second show in the afternoon on W. The other day I watched an episode when Miranda said something I related to:
I've spent my life deciphering the mixed messages
Reminded me of how I over-think (thanks M&M)... how much I read into everything everyone says as if there's some sort of hidden meaning beneath layers and layers of analogies and vagueness. I reckon I do it because I hide everything I feel and mean beneath layers such as these and I expect that others do too. Apparently, this is rarely the case... and sometimes, it's easier and safer to just take things as face value.

Today's episode showed the different outcomes of distance. Eh.

Ok done. I needed that. Bye!

cheap thrills Word of the Day

purblind: having greatly reduced vision.

That made me laugh.

Monday, February 07, 2005

the weekend that was...

On Friday Night we were at Mt Druitt for the First Friday-Saturday Vigil. It was great to see so much youth there on Friday! Gonna miss the Teej and Menard though... =(

Saturday Morning, I managed to get 45 min sleep before I had to up and head to Strathfield to kick off the overnight at Port Stephens...

* Minh talks a lot =]
* It was good to see Ed again
* Shopping for the night was an adventure. We bought A LOT of food(bacon) for breakfast and for the 4am snack that was never had
* There's a Target Country in Port Stephens. We still don't really know what's so "Country" about it
* Zenith Beach (?) for a couple hours that afternoon - when I started goosebumping, we knew it was time to head back
* Looking for somewhere to have dinner was frustrating - everything closes so early on Saturday nights; either that, or they run out of food
* Thank you Chinos! You serve good pizza
* Wiggy brought 2 bottles of red wine: one was fantastic, the other SO sad!
* Would you save your Dad? heh
* "How big's the hole? (about this big) Well, we have no problem then..."
* Sh-dong and Bok were short-lived. That Ping-Pong-Pang! drinking game was funny
* Have you played Hearts with real cards? Mindy, Joe, Bjorn and I did for the first time (well, it was my first time). I've got a new-found love for that game =)... DONG!
* I showed Joe and Bjorn how to put on moisturiser - Joe was correcting me, and I found out the next day that Bjorn was playing dumb because he has my face moisturiser!
* Apparently, I don't put my face moisturiser on properly... apply UPWARDS!
* Balcony talk was fun... some people play games, I like to ponder, discuss and babble about love, life and happiness *sigh*
* The starry sky in the country is beautiful
* Meanwhile I think there was some rowdy going-ons indoors =]
* Discussions of Before Sunset snuck in there a few times
* Tried to stick around till the sunrise...
* I managed 3 hours sleep before heading down to take a morning dip and attempted to bronze a bit
* Breakfast was good. We didn't eat all we bought though...
* Sat around till we decided to go back to Zenith
* Waves at Zenith were great!
* The condom hugs... haha! Thaaanks Phil.
* Slept all the way home... thanks to Mamo (and John) for the drive up and back!
* I got my Summer hit...
* T'was fun...=)

One more week till work... Bye!

Sunday, February 06, 2005

... and she asks

"Are you angry at me?
I'm inspired by little things. The way she asked gave me a good feeling inside. I can't even explain why. It was just really nice.


Thursday, February 03, 2005

Before Sunset

... is hands down THE BEST MOVIE. Well, no, it's my favourite for the moment. Okay, so it doesn't have that great an ending, but the movie's defining scene did it for me. I've seen that scene, heard that dialogue three times this afternoon. Depending how well you know me, you'll completely understand WHY this movie pinched me so hard in the heart. I saw myself in Celine... that's all. She's a Sagittarius after all =)

I'm not gonna get over that movie, or that scene, for a while. In about 6 hours, I'll have it ripped onto my PC so I can watch it over and over.

Oh... my song of the moment:

Tyler Collins - Thanks To You

It's so uplifting. I love it. It's my new karaoke song - too bad I don't have it on my Magic Sing chips.

This evening, I remembered why I don't like shopping. When I say "shopping", I mean "shopping around". I don't know about you guys, but I'm very wham bam thankyou ma'am about shopping. I don't go unless I want something, and when I see something I like, I'm in and out of the store in record girl time. Most of the time of course... sometimes I do cruise.

My Dad took me around Liverpool, The Crossroads and Orange Grove looking for a recliner for my mum. I was restless after 5 minutes man - and the only reason I lasted the next 20 minutes was because I chose to roam around the computer section of Harvey Norman. I bought a new X-over cable and some blank DVD's. That was satisfying.

I was thinking today... the beauty of hearing someone say: "no matter what happens...".

It has unconditional written all over it. It's very comforting.

I'm done now. I'm gonna leave you with something that Celine said in Before Sunset:
Reality and Love are almost contradictory to me
I found that... interesting.


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

got it!

I was lying in bed all night with a thought. A thought that I didn't know how to put into words...

I don't know about you but, since I'm a bit of an observer, I'm a believer that actions speak louder than words. If there is some inconsistency between what a person says and what they do, I'm inclined to view their actions as truth, taking away the validity of their words. After all, don't they say that you should always "practice what you preach"?

There was this quote that came in on my QOTD ( feed that I never really got until I woke up this morning (Did I ever tell you that my best ideas come to me in the morning, once I wake up? Well, they do). The quote summarised everything I was thinking about last night:
Actions lie louder than words
... because I think my actions have been inconsistent with the way I feel and what I say. This also reminded me of something that was told to me a while ago - that things aren't always what they seem...

Which then brought me to the question: Why would people not act on what they feel, or what they've said?

... and that brought me back to the fact that sometimes the mind needs to force us to do things that go against what the heart feels - or what it tells us to say. Otherwise...

Oh dear. I need to get out. Bye!

Tuesday, February 01, 2005


Jennifer Day - Completely

Country softc*ck is pretty mad. There's always a bit more desperation in the voices that sing them that make the songs a bit more emotional.

I saw Where the Heart Is this evening. Natalie Portman is my flavour of the month. She's so beautiful.

Mindy asked in in her blog, it was asked in the movie I saw tonight:
Why do people lie? ... there are so many reasons
... telling a lie could completely change the course of your life and, as the movie suggested, so can deciding to telling the truth.

If only it were that easy...

Anyway, can anyone recommend some good movies that I can watch while I'm at home? Preferrably classics that I should've watched when I was younger, or whatever really. I like this movie watching thing =)

My sister got her student card in the mail today. I didn't. That means I start paying $34/week for my train ticket from April =\. That also means I'm graduating soon! I'm so excited. I started practising my graduation smile today.

I wonder whether things are gonna be different this year now that most of us are graduating. I finally understand why so many people were pondering on how friendships were going to change and whatnot last year. I've thought a bit about where some of my friendships would be in a year. I resolve to persevere in my friendships so I don't lose them. Little do you know, the world has other plans for you - and you have no choice but to ride with it.

Ok ta-ta!