Ok. I have a problem L and Y were on 3-way and I was just talking to Y. He mad up this sh_t about L being in the States. Then he said, "Since L's in the states, do you wanna go out?" I was so shocked! I turned him down and then when I was only talking to L, HE asked me out. I couldn't say anything coz I was all scared. But Y was just playin' with my head. They got our letter
It started here, and ends now. I can only really blame myself for what's happened. I knew it was wrong well before it ever started but one idea of someone actulaly giving me THAT kind of attention excited me and it just felt good. Now it feels cr_p. I didn't have to go tonight, I knew that. I'm still trying to work out why I went. I can't just say I felt pressured because saying 'no' was always an option. But something devlish made that impossible. I felt the consequences of falling into temptation. I felt like I've lost part of my dignity because I let another boy control my feelings. Tonight the bubble popped. Hopefully I can control myself, fight my weaknesses because I owe it to myself to be happy. Part of me is happy that tonight happened because now I can start gaining control of my feelings and I can come down from the artificial high cloud of "happiness"... I guess we'll always have C L
I wanted so much to speak to you last night and I admit I was wondering what was going on, but the missed call made waking up so easy. I don't want a lot to change too fast. I don't think either of us is ready for that. I just hope that things work out the way they're supposed to - whatever the outcome may beMy computer broke down last night. Well, I stuffed it up. During the long wait for the the OS to be checked and for files to copy and install, I managed to find old journals, old uni diaries, random notebooks hiding the thoughts I never wanted to share.
I don't blog nearly as much as I wish I could these days. Sometimes I wonder whether I should be writing more stuff down. Reading back on things that made me stress out, smile, laugh and cry remind me of where I've come from, what I've experienced and the lessons I've learnt... or tried to teach myself.
Maybe I should start again...
In other news...
My Uncle Joel's going to be a Daddy. I'm so excited!