Tuesday, March 29, 2005


I'm so HAPPY that the long weekend happened. I really needed that. I actually feel much more refreshed than I did on the other side of the weekend - they really should have these long weekends more often. Next public holiday... ANZAC DAY!

T'was a weekend of eating, sleeping, bumming, watching TV, sleeping, eating, karoke-ing @ Al's, chilling at Darling Harbour w/ the girls + Az and, of course, the Australia's Next Top Model-athon! Wonderful, absolutely wonderful!
Because that's what people do, they leap, and hope to God they can fly...because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why the hell did i jump?
That fearlessness is inspiring. The way, in that one moment, you truly believe - and trust - that you made the right choice.

... and if you didn't make the right choice?

Well, then you hope someone - anyone - is gonna catch you. Because when you drop, all you want to do is hide. Your confidence plummets and you really don't know where to turn.

... this is why I don't jump - because I know that the probability of my dropping is higher than the probability of me flying... and I can't jump in those conditions.


So, I think that the amount of optimism you have in certain situations is proportional to how positive what you've experienced in similar situations was. Derr. It's interesting how a single experience can change one's view of a situation so dramatically.

Do you reckon that that single experiences removes overall objectivity over the situation? If your single experience is good, you become optimistic, hopeful for other people experiencing similar things. If, however, your single experience is bad, you're likely to become more cynical, pessimistic and cautious for other people in similar situations.

So how is it that people can so easily say "I've been there, I know how this is gonna turn out" when every situation is so unique?

... and why am I so optimistic about love and all that mushy stuff? It's not like I've been so lucky in love in my life. I guess I'm cautious about the game-playing, the courtship and the mixed signals - but not so much about the actual experience of being in a good relationship... when it's good.

I don't know. I think this blog's turned into babble. Bye!

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

shuffle... shuffle...

Destiny's Child - Sail On

I got my iPod mini tonight! How exciting. It's my new toy. It was a bit of a pain to set-up and all but I finally got it working.

In other news...
* Had drinks with some >ture grads on Friday night. They're an interesting lot those kids - I even faked being a grad for a good period of time =)

* Untouchables Touch lost 3 out of 3 games on Saturday afternoon at the Corporate Games. Two tries were scored altogether but we had the BEST time! We retreated to a pub in Strathfield to drink away the losses. I came away from the day with blisters on my feet - joy!

* Natalee turned TWENTY-ONE! Mel, Leo and I dropped in on her dinner but didn't stay because there were too many people - and my feet didn't agree with me standing up for long periods. We ended up just sippin drinks at Starbucks in Darling Harbour. That was nice.

* Got a bit sick from the past week - the weather change, the random exercise... I'm better now

* Teej, Menard and B left for Dover today

* Congratulations Mel! She's a star. I wish I could go on holiday with her before she starts her new "engagement" but, hi, work.


The last week has been a little bit hard. I've been feeling under the weather, moody, confused and a tad messed up. So, apologies to those who've been on the receiving end of some of my tantrums or my extremely low energy moments.

That's it, I think. I don't know why I can't think of anything to blog these days. I need some inspiration. Or some interaction. Slates!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

step back

GOOD NEWS: We're finally getting broadband (Bjorn is proud that I got my priorities right haha)
BAD NEWS: Our Internet phone line has been disconnected so I doubt I'll be netting too much over the next ten days... maybe

TWO THUMBS UP for Million Dollar Baby. Okay, so I fell asleep for a while - but that's normal! It was an excellent movie! Something that was said in the early part of the movie stayed with me for a while:
In a fight, sometimes you have to step back to land a good punch; Step back too much and you might risk not fighting at all
I so often become so passionate in the battles I face in life that I can't step back. I tend to want to fight and fight and fight. Who knows if stepping back will do anything really. The risk I face with getting so involved, so close, so deep in life's battles is that my guard will come down and I could walk into a punch in the gut. We're all drawn to temptation and challenges - and even though it might seem that walking away is "the right thing to do", in the words of Lane Olinghouse:
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address
So what's the point? I think, subconsciously, we think we can win these battles, we can beat the challenges and we can overcome the temptations. After all, why fight for something you can't win? or rather why shouldn't we fight for what makes us happy?

Ok, I think I have to get off now. Net time over for tonight. Good night!

Sunday, March 13, 2005


Nothing like a bit of anger to put a bit of numb on the coronary. It's fascinating how the emotion takes away the ability to feel. Absolutely fascinating.

I spent the weekend, from Thursday, at Manly with the famiy.

Friday night drinks were at the Republic Bar, a few of us girls had dinner at Wagamama then we had a few more drinks before dancing it off at Bar333. Minh dropped in with some of her workmates. That was cool coz I haven't seen that girl in a very long time. As much as I wanted to drop into Verandah before going home, my mum was calling incessantly on the cellular so I had to hop on the ferry back to Manly.

Staying at Manly
* I really enjoyed the Ferry ride to and from Manly. It's heaps expensive (one-way is almost three times a one-way from home by train!) though. The views from the ferry definately beat the view from the trains and the ferries I caught were never super crowded.There was this part of the ride to Manly though, where the boat decides it needs to rock really painfully. I got really dizzy then - add a few Friday night drinks and it wasn't really good on the tummy.

* I felt like a foreigner when I was in Manly. There are hardly any Asians there! I couldn't believe it! It was quite interesting considering I see an Asian everywhere I turn here out west. It's like a whole different world in the Northern Beaches.

* Veed and I took a couple of surfing lessons - that was exciting. More on that later though.

* Veed, Mum and I had lunch at Pink Salt on Saturday. My sister really liked the squid and I wanted her to go to the confession room at the restaurant and say "Go SQUIDney!". She refused and I was a bit hurt because I thought that joke was gold. The restaurant is awesome, food a bit overpriced but SO yum!

* Nix, Al and Vin came over on Saturday night. None of us felt like a big night though so we just chatted over icecream from Copenhagen.

* Veed and I tanned quite a bit. Well, I burnt a bit. My nose and my cheeks are red(der than normal).

* I had A LOT on my mind the whole weekend. It's so messed up, so so messed up.

Surfing was excellent! I'm a crap surfer though. I didn't even stand up properly because I think my arms are made of nothing but bones and fat. Everytime I pushed up, I lost balance. By the time I gained balance, I had no strength to hold myself up that little bit more to get my legs through to stand up.

So on my TO-WORKOUT list are the following muscles (if I'm going to make another attempt at surfing someday):
* Chest - I couldn't be bothered working my chest muscles because I'm concentrating on my back muscles these days and I don't want to undo what I do on my back by working my chest out.
* Forearm Muscles - I don't even know how to work these out but I reckon they have to learn how to be more steady for surfing.
* Shoulders and Tri-ceps - because they might as well not be there.
* Calves - because if I ever make it onto my feet, I'm unbalanced because everywhere below my knee is too skinny for the rest of my body.

That's all for now. Should be fun. I'll be a pro-surfer in no time! It's a wonderful feeling, riding a wave - even if I couldn't get up on two feet, just one foot/one knee. It was amazing how, after I got up that far, the wave just took over and I felt like I was flying. Next time, next time for sure!


I was a bit disturbed this afternoon. I fear that someone I care about very dearly had the comments "poor guy" said about him because his girlfriend's heart is somewhere else. I don't doubt she cares about him but I reckon she'd drop him in a second if she had a chance. I hate that. I really do. I will never understand how people could do that to someone. Seriously, if she hurts him... my is she's gonna get an ear-bashing! His happiness is the only thing that's keeping me from doing it right now.

Okay, that's all I feel like talking about right now. I really don't like this entry. But it'll have to do coz I couldn't be bothered changing it. Bye!

four letter word

It can be used to express surprise
It can be used to express amazement
It can be used to express disgust
It can be used to denote...
It can be used as part of a curse toward someone
It can be used to fill in parts of flows when the rapper doesn't know what to say

It is also used, as I am wanting to use it now, to express sheer frustration.

What a versatile word.

Friday, March 11, 2005


Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
Walter Anderson

I didn't know that being honest with one's self was a risk.

Is it better to stand by your values or follow your heart?

As happy as following my heart could make me right now... I'm paralysed by what my values tell me is the right thing to do.

That's what's gone through my mind as I lay awake feeling thousands of emotions rushing through me. I wish the world could tell me what I should do.

Ok bye! I just had to blog coz I haven't in a while.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

to risk or not to risk...

... that is the question.

Sometimes we're so trapped or held back by something or another that we become so scared of taking that risk that might ultimately set us free.

So how will we ever know if we never take the risk?

There's the risk hangover we get after we make a decision that will change the course of our lives - Did I do the right thing? Should I just have gone with the flow? It's been so long since I woke up one morning and really and truly resolved to jump. So much can change in a matter of minutes - one honest conversation, one kiss, one phone call, or just that moment you decide things have to change, you have to take that risk. Sometimes all it takes is to be selfish for a moment; to decide that your happiness can't be dependent on someone else's happiness; to decide that the guilt you may feel at the time is better than the guilt you'll feel if you don't change anything; to realise not making that decision could be holding you back even more.

You'll never understand it until the day you do it. The feeling of liberation is priceless when you've taken the right risk. Just hope your in-built risk management system isn't being too irrational...

That's all. Latahz!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Bills! Bills! Bills!

The relevance of that title: slim to no relevance at all.

I just thought of it tonight when I was thinking tonight about all the responsibility I'll be taking up in the next few years. I got 3 things in the mail tonight:

#1 - Superannuation Information Pack
#2 - Life Insurance Application Form
#3 - Former Superannuation Exit Notice

From all of that, I spent my evening calling around to all the Super funds I'm with to get details (coz I throw all my statements away y'see) to roll all my super over to my current fund. On top of that, I was pondering about how many standard drinks I have per week (I settled with 4/wk and I already felt like an aloholic - but unfortunately, they told me to tell the truth and I think that's been the truth lately =\) and whether I've got RSI, diabetes, mental disabilities or any muscular conditions for my Life Insurance Application. Gosh.

When I was younger, I used to love getting mail. Now, every envelope addressed to me requires some sort of action - be it a form submission, credit card payments, and these days I feel like I have to understand everything I'm getting into. I've currently got plans to:

* Get my own Medicare Card
* Apply for my own Health Insurance
* Change ownership of my mobile phone account to myself
* Set-up payments for Foxtel out of my account

Might have to amend my answers to my health insurance application after all of this. Too much! Too much!

I'm starting to feel grown-up. It's so strange. They don't lie when they say that responsibility creeps up on you. I was under the impression I was gonna be able to cruise until I'm at least 25. Gotta start learning to look after ourselves now. It's scary.

I just had to let that all out. Back to adulthood =) Bye!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005



It's been a while. I don't know why I don't have that much to blog about these days. My days have just been work, work and work. Not so many interesting stories, and now that I'm reading, I've cut out all the pensive time I used to have.

The finale of Australia's Next Top Model was on tonight. I'm glad she won. I do think she's a bit of a pill, but I'm glad Sam's wish didn't come true because she was a royal itch. I reckon I'd slap her if I saw her on the street...... then say sorry. Haha.

So what's been the dealio?

Friday Night I went down to Cargo Bar with the grads... well the ISD grads plus some. I only had one drink before I started to feel a bit sick in the stomach so I didn't stay so long. Saturday Night was supposed to be a quiet night. I had plans to curl up and read my book all night but the girls decided they wanted to do a repeat of 2 weeks ago. Well, not exactly a repeat... but close enough. Drinks at Roxy, dancing at Collectors then karaoke at Alisa's. Sunday was spent in total laziness. All afternoon I was curled up whilst my eyes switched from reading mode to sleeping mode. It was glorious!

... and now that I've finished babbling and recounting, time to throw in something that I always throw in when I'm lost for blog content - a quote!

Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
-Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Interesting isn't it? It's nice how distance really does make the heart grow fonder. But then do you question your feelings for someone if you don't yearn for them when they're gone? I'm currently undecided on that one... although I'm leaning toward 'no'.

Distance definately makes it more difficult to stay connected with someone. So that passion for that someone that you have to exercise to stay connected can't just be a crappy "mediocre passion" - it has to be real. But then it can't be that black and white. Sometimes you just don't miss someone because you know the connection's there no matter how little you see them, how seldom you speak to them, how far you are from them. The relationship (talking friendships and romances, by the way) doesn't need to be nurtured. It's effortless.

RANDOM THOUGHT: Something that's scary is that my emotions are out of my control in certain situations. Situations involving relationships that I want to hold close to me. What happens then is that I start experiencing one emotion after another... I end up angry; I don't like being angry.

OMG! Epiphany! I understand now! Remind me to tell you later...

Ok, back to the book. Bye!