Friday, December 31, 2004

Farewell 2004

#1 - Keep God first... ALWAYS I'd like to say satisfied, but there were a few hiccups during the year no doubt. Just gotta keep pushing on...
#2 - Less procrastination, more do MM... I was still a pretty bad procrastinator - although I DID do quite a bit of "do". I planned things this year!
#3 - Be a good role model and friend to those who depend on me Re: #1
#4 - Leave Sydney at least 3 times: January, July, November/December January (tick), July (tick), November/December (1/2 tick - because of complications)
#5 - Stay happy, stay positive, stay healthy Happy (ultimately), Positive (generally), Healthy (oops)
#6 - Learn to spend wisely, not impulsively..... more I went a good 2 months without splurging thank you very much! I'd like to say I satisfied this one :)
#7 - Graduate with a graduate position (tick)

This is my third attempt at writing a reflective entry about 2004. I wanted to do it in pictures but that was too time consuming, then I was going to do a point form recount but I didn't feel like reading through all my blogs and re-writing what was already there.

I wanna do a recap with someone.

When I think about 2004, I feel happy. It was a good year. I can't say that it didn't go by without hiccups and mistakes, but I like to think that I came out after it all a better person. I'm still not perfect schmerfect, but I'm trying.

I think I learnt a lot about myself this year. What makes me happy, what makes me tick, what hurts me, what I'll stay up all night for, what I have little patience for. I've done a lot of thinking about what it is I want out of life. I've decided that I want to see the world, if not now, then before I'm 30. I don't have a lot of long-term goals, I have long-term dreams. I've been able to crawl out of my shell a bit more and I'm more confident in who I've become.

All of that wouldn't have been possible if I didn't have the network of friends I hold very dearly to my heart. I don't mean to be soppy, but it's true. My seven wonders, especially my three lifelines - I don't know where I'd be without them. I care about them, they look after me, they make me really happy.

I'm grateful for all the good times. The parties, the karaoke sessions, the all-nighters, the useless hang-outs, the d&m's and the late night phone calls. I'm even grateful for the biffs, the fights and the misunderstandings.

... bring on 2005.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

why?... and why not?

Sometimes the only way you can answer the why's of life are:

"Because I have to"

... and sometimes the only way you can answer the why not's of life are:

"Because I can't"

Funny isn't it?

That's what happens with you mix rationals and idealists.
That's what happens when you're in a world with so many should be's and shouldn't be's.
That's what happens when you're in a world with rules, restrictions and uncertainties.

I couldn't sleep - and for some reason, I couldn't sleep without getting all that out of my muddled head and organised into words in some sort of structure. Good Night!

Tuesday, December 28, 2004


Lea Salonga & Brad Kane - We Could Be In Love

Where do you start when you've been MIA for over a week?

Well, Christmas came and went just like that. At the beginning of the week, I had a bunch of presents to buy, there was nothing under our tree and we were in the middle of the dawn mass stint. It was only about 20min before I left to go to the hospital to visit my mum on Chrismas Eve that our Christmas tree had presents under it. Poor turn out though. With Ma in the hospital, there couldn't be an abundance of presents under that tree. So, apologies to those who didn't get anything from us this year. We'll get our act together next year =)

We visited my mum before going to Church. The whole family was there so everyone got to have their time with her, it being Christmas and all. Dad, Veed and I went to mass at Merrylands before heading home to bring my ham and mash specialty and our gifts to Tita Shirley's house. We exchanged gifts and just basked in the love that was the family, in the back of my mind, thinking of my mum and wishing I could be with her. Oh yeh, she's moved out of the ICU! That happened on Christmas Eve - that was a nice Christmas present for the family.

We played our first two games of Cranium and I remembered instantly why I was so in love with that game. We got home around 4.30am Christmas Day. Christmas Morning, we spent with mum in the hospital. We went to Tita Cyn's house for lunch then went back to the hospital to be with mum.

Not the ideal Christmas, but it contained the essenial elements - Christ, Family, Love, Pictures... and okay... PRESENTS!

Hi. I'm a graduate!

Midnight of Veed's 20th Birthday we had just finished playing another 2 games of Cranium (Veed and I are 2-2).

We spent the morning in the hospital before going to the AHFI Christmas Party. Kris and I headed out into the City to meet Veed for dinner. We had dramas with Baia so we didn't end up eating there. Instead Ricky hooked us all up with $15 dinners at Garden Buffet @ Star City. Turned out better - more food, less money, more satisfied =] Nice evening - except I was wearing a shirt with no sleeves and a skirt, and it was pretty windy up on Pyrmont Bridge =\ Nice night overall.

I bought shoes from Mollini because they were cute and were about 65% off
I bought $211 worth of make-up from Myer because my mum said I need to and it'll make me glow. Two-hundred-and-eleven dollars later, I reckon I look exactly the same.
I got a haircut. It's much lighter (weight) now. I got sick of putting my hair up and it just stopped looking good.

That's all I think ya'll need to get caught up on. Else, life's good. I'm cruisin'. Peace.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

It's beginning to look a lot like.... CHRISTMAS!

So, it's the end of another loooong weekend. I don't think you wanna hear a play by play (nor do I want to write one) so I'll just start from yesterday.

Yesterday, I felt immensly domesticated. With my mum not at home, the family's had to pick up extra chores and responsibilities. I started the morning by doing laundry. Then, I put on some Lea Salonga and Mariah Carey Christmas CD's and ironed the backlog of ironing from the past n number of weeks.

By the time I finished all of that, it was time to visit my mum. I hung out at the hospital until it was time for me to start preparing for the evening's dinner. I went to Stockland (because there was no way I was going to Parra Westfield!) to buy ingredients for the mains I was planning to make for dinner. Uncle Joel did the shelf-picking, I just paid coz I had NO idea what I was supposed to be getting =\.

He helped me make the ham my mum usually makes for Chrismas Eve Dinner (but, a smaller version) and I mashed some potatos to go with it. After about 3 hours of slaving away... I had prepared TWO mains! I was so proud of myself.

The Christmas Dinner itself was really nice. Everyone brought a little something to share with everyone else - we all ate very well. I think I'm still bloated from the whole dinner. Thanks to all the people that provided the dinner, drinks and dessert for the night =)

The $2 budget on gifts made gift giving rather entertaining - it's amazing what kinda stuff people can buy for $2 (I'm still getting over the $1.40 mug)! Anyways, I scored myself some juggling balls - Thanks Minh!

Amongst the main festivities, the girls found time to watch Mean Girls, the boys played XBox and basketball, and we played a game of SceneIt! to end off the night.

T'was fun. I really enjoyed myself =)

Nix left around 3am or something, and my Dad needed to be awake at 3.30am so I couldn't be bothered sleeping. I hate the tease factor of the micro-naps. I went through some pictures and had some receiver time before it was time to head off to dawn mass. I crashed once I got home.

Today wasn't too eventful. The most eventful thing I did was visit my mum in the hospital.


The most eventful thing that happened today was that I go to watch Australia's Brainiest Kid in the hospital waiting room. I think that show is rapidly climbing the charts to becoming my favourite TV show (behind ALIAS, of course). I wish I coulda been on that show. I wish I coulda been part of the Mathletes in Mean Girls. Wow.

Ok, and just to continue with the uneventful theme of today, I'm off! Seeya!

PS. Pics are up. I should really stop writing that. Ya'll should just assume they'll be up after any event my camera's involved in.
PPS. Christmas shopping starts tomorrow! Geez I'm slow!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

to be or not to be... the bachelor(ette)

I was talking to Mel last night about bachelors. It's the fantasy of so many guys - being uncommitted, independent, free of responsibility and for some, having lots of... y'know.

Sure, single life is GREAT. I only have myself to worry about and I can live my life without a boyfriend either:

a) worrying about whether I'm cheating on him or not,
b) giving me a reason to wonder whether he's cheating on me or not,
c) expecting me to buy him ridiculously expensive presents,
d) telling me I can't talk to my friends,
e) smothering me with phonecalls about how he's bored,
f) telling me I'm too fat, too unkept, too poor, too uncaring, or
g) keeping tabs on where I am, who I'm with, and what I'm doing.

It's been like that for a loooong time, and I've really enjoyed it. I'm not going to deny that I never wished I had someone around that I didn't have to share, but on the whole it's been a very liberating experience.

So, would I want to be a bacheorette when I'm 30? No. I asked myself that question last night while I was talking to Mel. The answer came to me straight away:

It's just not fulfilling. Ultimately, I want to share my world, my life, with someone whom I really care about.

That's the dream.

Ok bye!

Sunday, December 12, 2004

weekend thaaaang

That was one looooong weekend!

Saturday started kinda late because of the night before. I did some laundry (which was rained on in the afternoon) then trekked over to Parramatta to shop with Alisa and Lori. While exploring Myer, I called Nix to help me organise the dinner for Sunday night:

Nel: Ok, then we'll have dinner after. So can you make a booking please? Coz I'm not at home right now...
Nix: Yeh allright. Where at?
Nel: Book for 10 at the Piazza
Nix: Um, Nel, there are like FIFTEEN restaurants in the Piazza

Doh! Dumbass.

After Parra, Veed and I went to to Westmead to visit Mum. We didn't get to see her long because she didn't want us there :(. She wrote (coz she can't talk) something about how there was some hectic going ons in the ICU and she didn't want us to be around when the sh*t went down. Well, she wrote something to that effect =
Saturday night was spent at Vin's house for her birthday (which 2 weeks from today [Today = Monday the 13th]). It was a good night. Really good food, karaoke, MC-ing on the Magic Mic, Jenga - good, good fun.

... now the birthday blog.

* My mum mouthing "Happy Birthday" to me while squeezing my hand on Saturday afternoon
* "Nel! <mouthing>Happy Birthday</mouthing>" - Ana
* "OMG! NEL! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" - Alisa, followed by a choir of "Happy Birthdays from the rest of the group
* Phoning till I fell asleep early Sunday morning
* The kiss on my cheek from my Dad to wake me up
* The blonde doll with freckles my Tita's and Uncle Joel got me because "it looked like me"
* My mum smiling
* "Yeeeeh Twenty-Twooo!!" - Bro Seb
* The sushi banquet at the MHCC Meeting
* Being around my friends for the movie and dinner @ Hogs Breath
* All the SMS's and phonecalls throughout the day
* The cake at the MHCC meeting and the slice at Hogs Breath

There's so much more... I just can't think of them right now... but THANKS to everyone that played a part in making my birthday enjoyable for me =)

* The "leisurely love" lecture
* Ocean's Twelve

I don't know guys, I saw some really good reviews for Ocean's Twelve on the net this morning. But I HATED it. I don't recommend it to anyone that enjoyed the first movie because of the robbery execution (hi).

Anyway, I had a wonderful time. Twenty-two, here I come! Bye!

PS. Pictures are up.

Saturday, December 11, 2004


I don't know what I'm doing anymore / I'm feeling like a little girl / Caught up in emotions / I'm out of control / Isn't it obvious?
Christina Aguilera - Obvious

I didn't really understand that song until I was listening to it in the car this afternoon - and I like it lots =) This post has nothing to do with the "obvious" theme. But y'know...

My Titas organised a little shindig last night for my birthday (and Tita Mai's, Tita Mir's [and Joe's] and Veed's) and to farewell Tita Beth who went back to the Philippines this morning. It was Wednesday night she told me to invite some of my friends. Hello? Two days notice. Anyway, turns out the girls had plans so the only ones out of my friends that could come were Nix, Alisa and "my true friends": the boys *rollseyes*.

T'was a nice night. I had a good time. A party can't go wrong with a bit of chilling, a bit of drinking, a bit of basketball, and a bit of KARAOKE. Mel turned up after her engagements later that night too. After most of the people left, us girls played a round of Scene It! (thanks Joey) which was a bit hard for us (minus Nix).

Pictures are up on the imagestation.

Ok that's it. Bye!

Thursday, December 09, 2004

one tree hill

Why do you stay with him anyway?
Sometimes it's good... sometimes there's noone else

My verdict: THUMBS UP to "One Tree Hill"

It helps that Chad Michael Murray is beautiful. So is the girl that plays Hayley. Not a flawless plot, but it has a bit more substance than the OC.


Wednesday, December 08, 2004

i love...

When I have nothing to blog about, I blog quotes from movies that have been in my head lately:
I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

I love that movie.

* My new favourite drink are the Mango Smoothie Chillers from Gloria Jeans. Try one! You don't know what you're missing until you taste it - TRUST ME!
* Renny's 21st Birthday Bash on Saturday night was nice. So was the catch up with the Hawai'i Girls. I missed them lots. They got me really cool pasalubong! I can't wait till I get to go with them!
* I'm back at work now
* My mum's recovering very slowly. Please keep her in your prayers and thanks to everyone for their well wishes
* I've been to the hospital everyday for the past 2 and a half weeks
* There's the CUTEST male nurse working in ICU - if only he wasn't married
* Should I become a nurse? Apparently, it's just a phase I'm going through... none of my friends think I could really be serious
* I didn't buy the Converse shoes. I bought Lacostes instead
* I've spent about $400 on clothes and shoes in the last week
* Reconciling cancelled travel expenses is a b1tch
* My belly button piercing is a bit infected
* I'm changing my Optus plan next week - $79 caps are great!
* Team Christmas Lunch tomorrow at Kobe Jones on the Wharf - pretty excited about the work-free afternoon!

Ok bye!

PS. Does anyone wanna watch Ocean's Twelve with me? I really wanna see it... but it's probably gonna end up in my TO-SEE-ON-DVD list like the rest of the movies I wanna see. Please?

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

change one thing, change everything

It's funny how things can change so dramatically in the span of a week. It's amazing how one decision could change everything so quickly.

So basically, my mum's been in the hospital for a week and a half, in ICU for the past week. The solution seemed obvious: I couldn't leave her. Once she told me she didn't want me to go, I made my choice. But so many people were affected, so much money was involved and I was already attached to what my summer was going to be like.

So we're not going to Europe. I didn't even go to Hawai'i.

But, the way I see it, I couldn't really go. My heart would be here, my thoughts would be frantically wondering what was going on with my mum. Just wasn't meant to be. But we will do it one day - PROMISE!

So, my mum's doing fine. She's recovering - slowly but surely. I truly cherish all the time I get to spend with her in ICU - whether it's telling her stories, reading her messages (she can't talk so she writes to us), praying by her side or just sleeping with her hand in mine. I can't wait to see her be more animated, telling me everything she's wanted to say, laughing and being free from all the lines going in and out of her body. I love her. I really do.

Tita Beth (Phils) and Tita Grace (US) arrived today to be my mum's side for the next couple of weeks. When my mum saw them this morning, she was so happy. I'm happy.

Apparently, I can't pull off high-top Converse sneakers. Apparently, it's not me. How is it that we find out what is us? Then, when we do, do we stick to it for the rest of our lives? That's impossible! We evolve, we try new things and when we find out it works, our style is redefined. Heck, if I didn't change my style ever, I'd still be wearing big t-shirts over floral leggings and sandals.

Apart from that, looks like I'm going back to work next week *sigh*

On a positive note, I can shop again!
(a bit more freely after all the holiday cancellation crap is all over)

Oh and question:
How do you judge the closeness of a relationship?

... is it by the depth of their conversation?
... is it by the level of support b/w them?
... is it by how much they tell each other?
... is it by how well they know each other?
... is it by how much they interact?
... is it by how long they've been friends?

Since people are so different. I think every relationship is even more different. I don't think there's any ONE way to judge the closeness of every relationship. I think closeness is measure on the intangible connection scale - and each connection scale differs from one relationship to the next...

Don't know if that made sense at all... but whatever.

Ok Bye!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Summer in Sydney

I know I should be here where you are
Perhaps one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. I'm so sorry.

Thursday, November 25, 2004


xscape - understanding
kandi - just so you know

I only downloaded the first song because I was looking for b2k's "understanding" but I got Xscape's version instead. Turns out pretty nice too! The second song I got because I remembered how crazy her voice sounded.

So the last few days, I've been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. My mum went in for an operation on Monday. It's funny - seeing her active on the weekend, then going to Westmead after work on Monday and seeing her immobile and in so much pain. The family's so crippled because of what's happened. We all walk around very worried, we look at the ground so noone sees us tear, and we try to go on with life pretending we're okay with what's going on.

Went to the hospital after work on Tuesday afternoon. She looked better. It seemed that it was only a matter of time before she was up and about again.

Wednesday brought out a lot of pent up emotion between Veed and I in the morning. As a result, I took the day off to bring myself together. I barely settled down at home when I got a call from the hospital telling me that Mum was being moved into the ICU - she was having a bit of trouble breathing the night before. So there was my mid-morning to afternoon. I went to the hospital with Kris and we just waited until we were able to see her. Veed came from work to see Mum too. We went home to rest aroun 5pm only to be called back an hour later because we were informed that she was gonna have to have another operation.

The family was at the hospital all night. I went home early with Katie because I had to work today. But word is, the operation went well and she's just recovering now. I went to see her today and, mate, she looks so helpless. I hate seeing her like that. She can barely open her eyes to see who's come to hold her hand, her heart's beating so fast, and she's attached to countless lines - connected to all sorts of monitors, drainers and medication.

We're doing fine. My dad's having a hard time with it all though so we're trying to be strong for him. My dad cried before he slept last night. It's very hard.

That's all I can think about reporting right now. More later... perhaps. Bye.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

1 week to go!

That's right! One more week till Hawai'i!

On Friday Night, I went to Merv's house to plan some Hawai'i stuff with Al and Vin. Hyped me up some! We planned what most of our days would be like - chances of sticking to the plan... slim. After we got that out of our system, we Magic Sing'd (sung?) as usual. Magic Mic always brightens up our lives =]

I got home around 2.30am on Saturday Morning and Veed kept me up doing some 'Look Good Feel Better' last minute stuff till 4am. By this time, I had already shown symptoms of a rather icky cold. So, I managed around 2 hours sleep before having to get up, shower and go to the doctor to get my vaccines for Thailand. I've got a sore left shoulder now... well not really. It's like a bruise, don't touch it coz it'll hurt.

I bought myself a new memory card because of ... my last post. Then I headed off to the Four Seasons Hotel for the LGFB preps. I felt a little left out because I wasn't a model. I couldn't really mesh with the models because they all had their little posse, so I just roamed around pretending I had something to do. That something came when it was time to sit and take the event's registrations.

The fashion parade was entertaining - Minh was great, Linda was great, Sene and the whole lineup was great! The auction afterwards, however, was a little dry. All the people there were... a bit uptown so they had money to throw away on all the auction items. Maybe if I was rich... lol

Minh, Mel and I went home together on the train afterwards. We didn't talk, we slept. It was wonderful! We all went our separate ways to get ready for Lowl's dinner thing. I just slept. Then I got up because I realised I hadn't wrapped the present yet. So I was out of the house rather late for the 8pm meeting time.

We met everyone at The Roxy at Parramatta for dinner. It was so good seeing everyone again. It's so rare that a large group of us can sit around and just talk over dinner these days - so I enjoyed it. Most of the group went to the city afterwards, but I was feeling 5 parts sick, 4 parts tired and 1 part KJ so I just went home with the girls and Phil. We just lazed around till Minh had the guts to call it a night =] I was BEAT!

Anyway... I think it'd be a nice opportunity to holler at the November babies right now: Tita Dimps, My Nix, Mikhail, Renny, Cyrille, Uncle Joel, Lowell, Jin, Tita Rose and all the other kids I forgot to mention. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

So, Lowl said I shouldn't write about things noone understands =] Apparently, that suggestion is justified at the lack of comments on some of my blogs. HAHA. Oh well, I'm sorry... my mind's a little cluttered up there. But I'll come up with something new soon - I promise!

Meanwhile, you can look through my pictures pages. Having a camera is great! Just check out imagery on the side bar. ENJOY.

I'm gonna get some rest now. Seeya!

Friday, November 19, 2004

bit peeved

So I bought my new toy today: a Sony CyberShot DSC-L1

... only to discover I need a Memory Stick DUO for it. My old memory stick won't work in it.


Thursday, November 18, 2004

from the mind of mulch

Last night I got a good 8 hours of sleep. Something I haven't had in a while because of uni assignments, late night chats (hi Lanie) and the plain desire to stay up as a force of habit.

Regardless of the amount of sleep I got, however, the wakeup process was just as tough as it was the day before.


... is hard. When you get the right amount of sleep, dream the right dreams, in the right climate, without interruption, you feel good in the morning....... that is, after the initial waking up.

Most mornings, I set my alarm for 6.10am for a 7.10am departure. I'm sometimes awake 2 minutes before the alarms due to go off, but EVERYTIME it does, my impulse is to hit the snooze button on my mobile. Other times, I'll turn the alarm off altogether and only get up at 6.50am, when I'm 20 minutes away from walking out the door. Sometimes I'll get dragged out of bed by the my little sister (hi Veed) pleading for me to make sure we're out by 7.10am.

It's not that I stay in bed because I still need to sleep - it's more because I don't want to wake up.

After I do wake up, however, I'm fine. I just need to embrace the reality of the life I'm waking up to. Once I've detached myself from the comfort of the world of sleep and dreams, waking up should become easier to deal with.


The ability to control impulse is the base of will and character - Daniel Goleman
WHERE: Impulse is the medium of emotion.

I react impulsively to my emotions. That's my character. That's all.


Love is the physiological opposite of the "fight-or-flight" mobilization shared by Fear and anger
- Daniel Goleman
That's beautiful. Fearless love.


Tuesday, November 16, 2004

... and Carrie

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love - ridiculous,
inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Oh. My. Gosh

Monday, November 15, 2004

oh my Rachel

As much as I am not a big Ross and Rachel fan, I got a little stung by her goodbye to him:
I cannot believe that after 10 years you do not know one thing about me! [Fine, then why didn't say something?] Because it is too... damn hard Ross! I can't even begin to explain to you how much I am gonna miss you. When I think about not seeing you everyday, it makes me not want to go. Okay? So if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong - it's because you mean more to me. So there, allright? There's your goodbye!
*sigh* There really is something about the helplessness in her eyes and the desperation in her voice. What is the poor girl to do?

... tonight I'm gonna see what road Carrie is gonna take, next week Rachel. KNOW that I'm gonna analyse their choices inside out and upside down.

Ok bye... for now.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Don't push me coz I'm close to the.... EDGE

Can I share with you how I'm feeling right now? Actually... Mindy's quiz did it for me (sorta):

You are passionate about your causes and steadfast in your commitments. Once you've made up your mind, no one can convince you otherwise. Your politics are left-leaning, and your lifestyle choices decidedly temperate and chaste.

You do tremendous work when focused, but usually you operate somewhat distracted. You blow hot and cold, and while you normally endeavor on the side of goodness and truth, you have a massive mean streak which is not to be taken lightly. You don't get mad, you get even.

... and

Wackiness: 40/100
Rationality: 28/100
Constructiveness: 72/100
Leadership: 38/100

Now back to how I'm feeling

I feel like I'm on extended PMS. I've had the shortest temper over the last few days and my patience with things/people I can normally deal with, well, has withered. There are times I feel like just going "Bloody oath you're a frikn idiot!" - just because. So I'm sorry to the people that have had to put up with my attitude. I don't quite know what to do with it.

Ok I feel better now

Y'know how sometimes you need to let a bit out to calm a bit down? Well that helped. I guess when you see how awfully angry/frustrated/impatient you are, you realise you see the person you don't want to be. Then I stop and think about why I'm being so edgy... and I realise it's really very stupid. Geez I'M the frikn idiot!

But I'm fine now...

Thank you for listening. Good night!

PS. One more thing: if you do at all, please pray for my Mum. She's going in for a pretty big operation next Monday and I'm really scared for her.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

doh! big spender!

I'm not that big a spender. But, at this stage in my life, where I've got accommodation to sort out for an overseas trip, I shouldn't be spending much.

BUT HEY! I just finished uni!

PLUS: I haven't bought myself anything for months because of Europe! So c'mon! I deserve it........ right?

Yesterday, I bought this really nice skirt and sleeveless top from deja vu in Wynyard. I LOVE IT! I didn't even have to try it on, I loved it so much. Do you guys need to try before you buy - if you know you like the style and it LOOKS like it'll fit? Coz I don't. I only try when I'm not sure it'll fit, or look good on me; like, if I'm unfamiliar with the brand or what not. You just shoulda seen the shock on Natalee and Mel's face when I told them I wasn't gonna try it on.

Today, I bought shoes to match the outfit. You would've bought them too! They were so cute! That's it.

... oh AND I finally bought myself a suitcase for Europe! It's currently living at my Tita's house because we didn't want to shock my Dad. He's having a little trouble dealing with me going away right now.

ALSO, my mum agreed to get me a digital camera! Remember how mine broke in the US? Well I'm gonna get the new Sony Cybershot so I'm pretty excited about that. It's more than $300 too so I can get the GST off it when I leave for Hawai'i!

Hawai'i is in 2 weeks! Eeps!

Ok enough. Bye!

... and again

So I moved again. Thanks to my Nixc for giving me space :)

Anyway, so there's not much I have to say today. I spent the last hour fixing my computer because it kept on crashing and, until now, I don't know what was wrong with it.

I have not as yet caught up for the lack of sleep Monday night. I've been having consecutive late nights over the past few days. This, of course, has not had a good effect on my coffee diet. I've been coffee-ing for the past few days and it's SO not good for me.

1/ I am re-hosted,
2/ I miss blogBack commenting, and
3/ I have no uni projects to go on with

I think it's time for a new layout. Any ideas? I have a few but they're all work-in-progresses in my head.

Tonight Minh and Mel came over for some chillage. We watched Center Stage which I only liked because of 'Nice Eyes' and because of the Ruff Endz song (which I am in the process of downloading).

Also, now that uni's out of the way, I have a lot of pre-Hawaii/Europe stuff to do:
* Book hotels for Venice/Rome
* Book trains from Venice->Florence->Rome
* Book London hotel
* Book Madrid hotel
* Get shots for Thailand
* Figure out what we're doing in Hawai'i (Hawai'i planning night next FRIDAY!)
* Pick a good suitcase to bring on both trips
* ... and the list goes on!

Anyway, in the middle of writing this post, I've restored my blogBack comments so Nix(x2), Mel and Mindy - your comments are gone =(. Even though I don't act like it sometimes, I love you anonymous readers and tell me I'm an idiot =]

Hello weekend! Bye to the rest of you!


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Thursday, November 11, 2004

The End of an Era

First Uni, now

I don't know what to do here? I don't even know if I like it yet.

I lost all my comments. That's sad. Oh well.

Change is GOOD.


Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Later OOTS

Uni is OVER! Yep, no more exams, no more assignments, no more late nights doing 80 page reports, no more boring lectures from monotonal lecturers, no more peer assessments...

It's the end of a four year era - I was a bit nostalgic when we finished my final HCI presentation this afternoon.

What am I gonna do now?

I'm gonna need to take u some sort of hobby or activity to make the most of these summer nights! What to do, what to do...

* 3 weeks of full-time work =\
* So I think my birthday/graduation/desbidida/Christmas/New Year celebrations might need to be bumped up to the 26th November. Early, I know... but there's no time!
* Hawaii!! then EUROPE!! Woohoo!


So who didn't watch the Sex and the City farewell last night? I'm not a huge fan of the show, but I got a little touched by it all. Those girls bring up such interesting topics on friendship, love, life... and sex. It's quite entertaining actually.

I'm trying to define who Mr. Big is in a woman's life.
"There is an elusiveness to Big that most women have encountered at some point in time. And just like the real-life Mr. Bigs, he makes Carrie believe she is the one who can get into his heart. She will be the one to break through, and capture his affection for eternity. But she never quite gets through. The potential for commitment is enough to sustain her for a while, but Carrie can only endure so much ambivalence and heartbreak."
Then there's Aiden (*sigh* Aidan):
- So genuine
- So caring
- So flawless

Then there's Berger who I'd be cautious of ever dating. I wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship where I am intimidating to the other person.

Why is it that we're attracted to the Mr. Big's of the world? Why do we always want what's so difficult to get? Why can't we be satisfied with the Aidan's?

Is it the challenge?

That's my initial thought. I find it EXTREMELY hard to turn down a challenge - no matter how battered I get in the process. They say...

What doesn't kill you, only makes you STRONGER

So maybe it's because the danger, the hurt, the challenge... strengthens us? That doesn't sound logical for crap.

So how does it stop?

How the HECK do you give up the addiction to danger?

I didn't get much sleep last night coz of our last HCI assignment - 2 and a half hours (which, I reckon, is the reason I woke up 6 stops late on the train home!) - and it hurts. My body is tired. But I won't change. I am driven, motivated, by the dangerrisk that I won't get things done...

I don't know where I'm headed with this. My head isn't really forming opinions or arguments very well right now. Oh damn.


Saturday, November 06, 2004

One down... one to go!


... playing piano in the silence of the church with Kristela singing "Make my heart a Dwelling Place" next to me. It was so... soothing.


So anyway, SITPP is OVER! My University years are coming to an end. It's a little bit bittersweet, but I can't say I'm going to miss it much. What I do miss about Uni is just chilling out at the CompLabs, having lunch at the cafeteria... stuff that I did 2 years ago. I haven't really done much of that in the last couple of years because of work - so that's sad.

What else can I say? Sorry about not blogging on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Not that ya'll really care =)

1. Most addictions have some sort of negative repercussion - it'll put you in some sort of health danger, weight danger (grr hazelnut chocolate), or simply complicate (how's that for an oxymoron?) your life. Have you ever had to give up something you're addicted to? I've found that, with some addictions, detatchment from the subject is more effective (and feasible) than giving them up. That's just some. Many bad addictions need to go away.

2. Do I come off as "strong" to you? Not that I know what I mean by "strong", but do I seem like a strong person? I'm not talking physically strong (coz I know I'm NOT), I think it's mentally strong I'm referring to. Strong willed maybe? I don't know... that sounds really messy.

3. "If you prefer apples to oranges, eat the orange" <-- my new way to combat my lack of self-control.

4. "If we give up our minds / let the feeling in our hearts take over" <-- my current mindset and the reason for #3.

5. I read into things BADLY.

6. OPM always presents such sad love stories. There's so much "I'm in love with you but you've got a girlfriend/boyfriend" or vice versa. C'mon you Filos - sing about happy love sometimes. Just kidding... there's some good Filo happy love songs. They sound so beautiful and full of emotion...... then you translate them and they're not that sweet sounding. The meaning's mad but translation sucks.

Ok, time to catch up on sleep. Bye!

Friday, November 05, 2004


"Ate, you're so interesting"

I was a bit touched. Then I saw the sarcasm wrapped around the statement. Damn.

Ok I have nothing else to say right now. My mind is not working.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

The Cookie and The Jar

Last night, at my Dad's birthday 'thing', there was tonnes of good food. I had a plate, then I went back for more. By the end of my second plate, I wish I didn't go for the second plate... indulgence sucks.

You've heard it in some form or another...
You get an inch, you go for a mile...
It's like we're rarely satisfied.

Often, going for the mile makes you wish you stayed where you were. It's a risk. There's potential disappointment and regret associated with going for the mile.

I subconsciously go for the mile, I think. I have a tendency to want more than what's given to me, even when what I have is a perfectly good deal.

It's something I want to work on. I've been given so much good stuff - and I should be happy with what I have. It sucks not having something that you think you should have.

'should have' - apparently the anthem of the idealist.

It's hard for us idealists to accept that we maybe shouldn't have what it is we think we should have.

I'm trying. I'm more than satisfied with the cookie. I'll work on not needing the jar =)


North and North

Feeling a bit up and down. I need a shower.

My Dad and I are the classic example of North and North. We're so alike that we repell. It's ridiculous. It's just one of those things... I love him anyway =)

Saturday: We celebrated Dad's 50th Birthday again last night. I loved being around the family again. They relax me. I love them.

Veed and I spent most of yesterday organising a present for him - we got him a scrapbook of pictures and birthday messages from the family and stuff. She spent about an hour at K-Mart getting reprints of pictures we pulled out of the albums in the morning. I was a pretty cute kid man. Then I grew up =)...

After we got all the stuff we needed to do the scrapbook from Parra, we dropped in on Tommy's BBQ at Bicentennial. That was nice, even though we stayed for only half an hour or something.

Friday night: I drove to Chili's for Lilibeth's birthday dinner. The baby back ribs I had were, I swear, a quarter of the size of the full rack I had last time I was there. But they're so delish man! So yum!

The M's and Lish came toward the end and we ended up sticking around Chili's till closing just talking. When the kicked us out (they asked us to leave, but 'kicked us out' sounds cooler), we moved it to City Extra to caffiene up before going home.

Ok, enough... I might be the worst storyteller in the world...

So... she's beautiful and everything, but don't you think that Mary Donadlson's head is looking extra big these days? I was looking at pictures of her in the Herald this morning and she's lost so much weight that her head looks bigger.

Speaking of huge...

I was playing with my cousin, Llena, yesterday. I asked her if she noticed anything different about my teeth (because she hasn't seen me w/out braces for a while y'see) and she goes: "Umm... well, your top teeth are huuuuuuuuuge!"


Hmmm... ok bye! Happy DST! ... and Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 29, 2004

from the mouth of an IDEALIST

Alicia Keys - You don't know my name

PLEASE get this song if you don't already have it. It's the B-E-S-T!

Two opinions over the past weeks...

A couple of weeks ago, Alisa and I were talking about what was so special about 'significant others'. I've always been a bit of a critic because, being single as ever, I don't like the general attitude that people need to have a 'significant others'. People need someone to care about them, look out for them, love them, feel needed, have someone to 'tell anything to', have someone to hold, experience things with etcetc...

My argument was that we could get all of that from our friends and family. That's what they're there for right? Then Alisa told me something her workmate told her...

A 'significant other' CHOOSES you, and only you

You don't choose your family...
You do choose your friends, but you're never really anyone's only friend...

... and I think that's nice. I think it'd be nice to feel like you've been chosen. Out of everyone in the whole world, this one person chooses to be with you, and only you.

But do they really...?

Enter --- -. He brought up the more-than-possibility that, x% of the time (I don't know whether to say 'some of the time' or 'most of the time' because I don't know how often this happens), it isn't about being chosen. He thinks it's about...

Being at the RIGHT PLACE, at the RIGHT TIME

(I'm being very cautious about considering that "settling" because I bet, a large proportion of the time, it isn't)

Someone that one may not have initially been drawn to one day, could be that one person they really want to be with 2 years later. Perhaps the timing wasn't right, they weren't in the right place or the right circumstances...

So which side am I on?

Being who I am personally, I want to be chosen. At the same time, I accept that the whole 'right place, right time' thing happens. It's just a concept that an idealist like me finds hard to grasp.

Ok that's it. Bye!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

You Don't Know My Name

I'd never, never, no, no stop loving you / ..
Because she was first darling / will she hang on your mind?

Alicia Keys - If I Was Your Woman

ALICIA KEYS IS AMAZING. She is so HOT. I think I love her.

Yesterday was the Alicia Keys concert at the Enmore Theatre. I loved it. I really did. I think she's one of the most beautiful and talented women ever. She makes piano playing cool again. I used to not want to put my kids (boyfriend first Nel...) through the torture of piano lessons - but I've decided that they're learning. If they don't like it, they can stop, but I'd like them to learn. It's such a beautiful sounding instrument. I'd love to hear an album of her doing lots of live stuff.

I think that's all I'll say about that.

I'm pretty drained right now. Tuesday always takes it out of me. There's so much to do, so little time to do it in and I'm really tired right now. I think I'll go into uni tomorrow to do my work - right now I'm scanning my brain for any previous committments I've made for tomorrow night. No Results Found. Right. Excellent.

Had a HCI exam today. Dumb subject, dumb exam. Anyone could have done that exam.

It's hot in hurr. Good night.

Sunday, October 24, 2004


"That night I started to think about belief. Maybe its not even advisable to be an optimist after the age of thirty. Maybe pessimism is something we have to start applying daily, like moisturiser. Otherwise how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all? Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or is it keeping us alive? What's the harm in believing?"
I'll tell you what's wrong with it...

As I said a few posts ago, I hope in things. I don't believe in them. It's for the reason that believing in them implies a degree of dependence on them. It's like believing in God - You depend on Him.

... and I don't want to depend on something so uncertain. If I accept that I don't always get what I hope for... not getting something is easier to deal with. That's it.

Thanks Alisa for the quote =) Bye!

The Great Loves

I tried to advertise / and tell you through my eyes
Guy Sebastian - How?

Been watching an episode here and there of SATC this weekend. That's such an interesting show. Hand up if you've ever thought you're like Carrie Bradshaw? *puts hand up* Seriously, if you take away all the inappropriate s3x scenes, that show has a lot of interesting points of contemplation. It's also funny because I swear I've blogged some of the stuff she's thought of. Earlier today she even wrote seomthing about, my favourite topic, HOPE: Is hope a drug?

At the moment...

How many great loves does one have in their lifetime?

According to my palm, I'm meant to have 2 and a half. Although, looking at it now (my palm), my half is fading and it looks like I'm only going to have 2. Well, we'll see now won't we?

The thing with things like predicting, or forecasting, the number of great loves in your life is: What if you get to your nth 'great love'... and then break up with them? Believing in the ability to be able to forecast this sort of thing could lead you to believe that that's it. Then you'll start thinking that the person you're going to marry (or end up with, whatever) has to come from the pool of your defined set of 'great loves'. What to do? What to do? I don't know, time does wonders. Someone I thought could have been considered a great love 3 years ago could have turned into just one of my past boyfriends y'know? This 'great love' stuff can only really be analysed at the end of the day...

Have I experienced a 'great love'?

I don't think I have. Maybe I have. Thing is, as you grow and mature, sometimes you crush more maturely than you 'loved' in the past. So a 'love' you experienced in the past just turns into a high school infatuation. So... I have no answer there.

This whole concept is scary. Esp if you meet a guy that claims to have had a great love. For them to still believe that someone they've broken up with is one of their lifetime's 'great loves'... eeeeeeshk. Anyway...

Two years ago...

I've done a lot of reminiscing lately about what was going down 2 years ago. I've been reading old blogs, old e-mails - seeing the way I perceived certain people and situations. Looking at my attitudes toward the same people and situations now... so much has changed. Actually, some things haven't. But gosh. I can't really go into it right now, but there's just so much history! Man!

Oh yeh... and you know what I realised last night? It has been about 2 and a half years since I saw a movie with a guy - just the two of us. Damn. My conclusions from that:
#1 - I can't go to the movies with my guy friends. That's too weird for us.
#2 - I need to find new guy friends.

In other news...
* Mel's BBQ yesterday was pretty fun
* Our group of friends is so nerdy - they were playing chess for a large portion of the day =/
* We played redlight again. That game was so fun!
* Jos, Sarah, Nix, Lil and I made a swing routine
* We played... bar
* It's funny how we were standing around some of the time, teach each other how to dance...

That's it. Bye!

PS. There is noone online on my MSN list right now.
PPS. Gotta go to church! My dad's back from the US!

Thursday, October 21, 2004


Coz I can't stop thinking of you /I've been trying not to love you / I'm helpless, girl, it's true / So I'm giving up tonight / Coz baby you're my kryptonite
Guy Sebastian - Kryptonite

What comes to mind when you hear kryptonite?

There's the obvious - Superman. The man who is invincible. A man of steel who's strong and impenetrable. Kryptonite induces weakness and inertia. It reduces the ability to be strong and the ability to move. Now isn't that an interesting metaphor Guy's used in his new single?

So who/what in your life is your kryptonite?

The more interesting question of course is the who version of the question, isn't it? Dur. Here - I'll paint a picture for you.

You're a person that goes through life feeling virtually invincible. Nothing can break you. You're confident, strong... but you're human. Someone in your life plays your kryptonite. The one person who breaks you down, makes you feel like jelly, releases the smile you try your hardest to keep inside and weakens you.

But kryptonite is dangerous to Superman. Kryptonite induces inertia - the inability to motion, instils the internal forces that opposes change and the ability to move in any direction.

So what is Superman to do? Tell me. Messy isn't it?

In other news...
* Had Yum Cha @ Piccadilly with my Mum and Veed - So yum!
* I paid off my plane ticket to Europe. EEK! It's done. It's done.
* Minh and I dinnered at Superbowl tonight. Cheap food, good food. PERFECT.
* I (obviously) bought the Guy Sebastian album. Lots of good songs on it. That's my opinion by the way, and if you know me well enough, you know what I classify as 'good'. That's right. Lots of softc---.
* "Well, Nel's a bit dramatic... so it should be funny" - Minh on what I'd be like in Europe

That's it. Good night =)

PS. Sheesh. That took me 45 minutes!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

I am so Rachel from FRIENDS in Season 5. Alisa gave me a bunch of my boxsets back last weekend so I'm just reacquainting myself with them =) Such a good TV show.

Tonight I had cocktails with the 2005 Mac Grads. We were supposed to go to meet our managers but I see my manager and team 3 times a week already so it was a bit funny when my manager and I were there, pretending we didn't know each other. By the end of the couple hours, it was just a room full of Graduates. The managers all either went home or back to work.

It was pretty cool. The grads are pretty nice... well the ones that I met anyway. I had one what a small world encounter. Oh and two of the people there were COUSINS. How cool is that? Well it's cool to me allright?


It was Melissa's birthday today (sorry Mel, blew your cover =\). I semi-organised a lunch for her at Menzies - so proud of myself! But yeh... hope you had an awesome day mate!

So what did I think about today...

Minh and I started laying down tentative plans for our 2006 USA Trip. When I told Mel today she was like "That's so far away! I don't even know what I'm gonna be doing then!"

... and it's true.

I remember thinking at one point in my life "I have no idea what my life will be like in 3 months!" and that's a scary thought. I'm terrified of uncertainty but I'm too lazy to do anything about it coz...

I'm terrified of change, but it has to happen sometimes. When it does happen, all I want is for things to go back to the way things used to be.

I wonder what I'll be doing this time next year...
I wonder whether I'll be happy...
I wonder what my relationships are gonna be like...
I wonder whether Mr. Right will have popped into my life already...
I just wonder...

I have dreams. I don't believe in them. I hope in them.

Hope's huge. I know I've said that a million times before but it's true. Sometimes you hold onto the finest strand of hope. Imagine the day you open your hand and realise the strand's gone.

Ok... this post sounds sad. It's not. That's just my brain in words. Bye!

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Monday AND Tuesday (technically, not Tuesday - but over 48 hours)

Sorry about that. Not that you guys have been adversely affected by my lack of bloggage in the past 48 hours, but you know how things are...

Monday: I donated blood once again. It was my second time, so they gave me a keyring. I wonder how many times I have to go to get an iPod? Something that I thought was a little cool was that I got to tick the 'Yes' box for two of the questions on the pre-donation questionairre:

In the past 12 months...
#1: Have you been overseas?, and
#2: Gotten any tattoos or skin piercings?

I felt like such a badass.

After work, I went to uni to do some SITPP work away from home. I reckon I spent about 80% of my time there chatting... or catching up. I'm so unproductive. Got a lift to Granville from Daved while I played with the different coloured lights on Lowl's camera.

Tuesday: I'm doing this in point form...
* Spent the morning doing SITPP work at home
* Took the train into the city
* Fate's messing with me
* Lunched with M, Minh and Lowl - well, I didn't eat, but they were
* Withdrew $2.7k out of my bank account (ouch.)
* Went to STA Travel with Minh and found out our booking was messed up
* Rearranged our itinerary so we fly through the USA and to Venice before going to Rome... so our route is like this:
SYDNEY > Los Angeles > Frankfurt > Athens > Vienna > Vienna > Florence > Rome > Madrid > Paris > London > Bangkok > Surat Thani > Koh Samui > Surat Thani > Bangkok > SYDNEY
* Fun huh?
* Caught the last part of a very boring HCI lecture
* Went home, ate then drove to Dave's for a SITPP meeting
* Did SITPP stuff, stressed a bit...
* Argued with M about the difference between ARGUMENTS and DISHARMONY on the way home
* Came home and got on the net

That's it. And now that I've got that recount out of the way...

I am so DIFFICULT. I think I knew that before, but it's getting worse and worse as life goes on. I reckon if I was a guy, they'd be calling me a prick (btw, what's the word for a female prick?). Oh well. Sorry if you have to put up with it... and thank you for putting up with it =)

... and do you think that a person's eyes are a window to their soul?

I think that you can tell a lot about a person by their eyes. I really do. I also think the most beautiful sight ever is seeing genuine and complete happiness in a person's face when they smile. It lights up a room. It really does. So thank you to the people that have lit up my rooms in the past week.

Ok enough. Bye!

Sunday, October 17, 2004

I'm a very forgetful person. For that reason:
1. I double book plans because I forget that I made plans on a certain night already
- x posts ago...

Here's an example of that:

So, my mum wanted to have yum cha with my sister and me (and I?) tomorrow lunchtime and I was so excited about the free lunch that I said yes.

Of course, later tonight, I remembered I'm meant to be doing my blood thing tomorrow. Boo... but Woohoo!

Tonight, I got a little bit of perspective. Thank you.

Have you ever thought about who we listen to? Well, I have. My default answer is "people whom I respect". I realised tonight that that answer is somewhat inconclusive. Sometimes, people can tell me something and other people can tell me the same thing, but I don't usually listen. It's only when I ask for someone's opinion on something that I'm willing to listen. Otherwise, my immediate instinct is to disagree or be incredibly defensive if the opinion is an opinion I don't want to hear.

Apologies for that.

Ok, I was gonna do some uni work tonight. I can't think, it's too late. Damn. Bye.
mariah carey - butterfly

I can hear a million angels singing in my ear when I say your name... - FOR REAL;Amel Larrieux


I had a pretty lazy weekend. Sort of.

FRIDAY NIGHT: RNB Superclub @ Fox
That's two Fridays in a row I've been clubbing. Interesting. It was okay. T'was fun partying with the Hawai'i girls! But anyway, enough of that for a while.

I spent a big part of Saturday watching FRIENDS. Some in the morning at Alisa's with Nix, some during the day on my own, and some at night when Alisa came over. Geez, I've seen that girl more times than I've seen her some years in the last week.

Otherwise, I did a lot of sitting around, thinking about doing all sorts of things. Contemplating life, contemplating everything that's been going on, thinking lots of why's, how's and what do I do's. So many times, I just look into my head and find just a whole jumble of thoughts, not knowing how to express them, not even being able to understand most of them. It's a big mess up there.

Meanwhile, I'm feeling a little bloated.

Ok, I'm gonna go find something useful to do. Out.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

jesse mccartney - beautiful soul

Have I ever told you guys about my strained ligament?

It happened when I went skiing last year, I crashed into the back of Lil's skis and, since my feet were stuck to a pair of skis, I fell to the ground - hearing a really awful sound of bones rubbing, crackling or something.

I got sledded down, strapped in a sled and the medics did a mini-examination when we got to the bottom of the run. What happened in there is a little like this...

Visualise a rubber band. Imagine stretching so far that it loses some elasticity and some of the fibres start fraying.

Well that's what happened to my outer ligament on my left knee.

The sad part is...

It'll never be the same.

My body will continue to throw dead muscle onto my ligament, in an attempt to fix it up, strengthen it - but it'll never be as strong as it used to be. And I believe that. I didn't want to believe that my knee was never gonna be as strong, but I can feel it.

It's sad.
It's sad that no matter how much new muscle comes along to compensate for the stuffed up ligament, the underlying ligament is never as strong.
It's sad that, I can build up the muscle all around my knee to support the knee, but the underlying ligament is never as strong.


... and now for some entertainment

... nelisa says:
  So what do good guys get?
theOtherDave. says:
  crap girls.
... nelisa says:
  So are you a good guy or a crap guy?
... nelisa says:
  Coz according to our theory...
... nelisa says:
  If you're a good guy, you end up with a crap girl
... nelisa says:
  and you only get good girls if you're a crap guy
theOtherDave. says:
  well in that case, i'm crap ass
theOtherDave. says:
  which means... i deserve to get a good guy
theOtherDave. says:
theOtherDave. says:
theOtherDave. says:
theOtherDave. says:
theOtherDave. says:
theOtherDave. says:
theOtherDave. says:
... nelisa says:
theOtherDave. says:
  i repeat... girl!


Wednesday, October 13, 2004

mr mayer - comfortable

Seriously... that song's just asking for Thinking About Me to happen.

It's hot in hurr man. It's making me sleepy right now. The air-conditioning is on but it's taking a while to cool this house up.

Today was a beautiful day. Absolutetly beautiful. I wish I was at the beach (and Joe P's MMS' made sure I was jealous of him the whole day), but I was stuck in the city at work. The most tanning I got was sitting on the (very) hot Martin Pl steps for lunch. I swear I burnt something into my ass. I got back to work and my workmates told me I looked like I just came back from the beach - YES!

On a note that would anger people (and by people, I mean Alisa): it's a whole different type of excitement. Good different? Bad different? Doesn't matter, it's not the same.

Now back to my chant: "I need change, I need change, I need change"

Surely, I had more to write. I watched a few FRIENDS episodes after coming home tonight. FRIENDS is so funny.

... and bye.

I remember what I was gonna say. Keep December 3rd Free. I know it's a long way away. But I've got limited time to do my birthday/Christmas/Graduation/New Year/Desbidida thing.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Minh said I blog too much. Hi Minh :)

Yo M... I told you I wasn't crazy:
Extreme Fire danger. Dry, mostly sunny. Hot. Fresh NW winds.
Min: 21C Max: 37C
Courtesy: SMH Weather


Last night, I did a lot of... Uni work. That's something I'm not used to doing. But I had nothing else to do. It's actually a satisfying feeling - doing what I'm supposed to be doing... somehow.
You want things to stay the same, yet you want them to change. You yearn for peace, yet you crave excitement. You seek stability, yet you fancy a little action. Might there be a faint hint of inconsistency here?
That's what it says about my week in my horoscope. I think it's true. My head is fighting with itself because it simply doesn't know what it wants.

I was talking to Minh today about... "how we want it to happen" (vauge now, just listen...).

I prefer the friends turned lovers scenario - but then I could just as easily be swept off my feet by someone new and mysterious, impulsively.

I wonder what the future has in store for me... I wish I knew, but I want it surprise me (notice the inconsistency?).


Monday, October 11, 2004


ISD T&C won the Annual ISD Soccer Day yesterday. A few of the boys from my team were part of the winning team. Very proud of them! They were so happy! I wanna go next year for sure!

Ok that's it. I just had to do that. Bye!
Life is very short
And there's no time
For fussing and fighting
Hats off to Ricki-Lee! She's a legend badly.


Saturday, October 09, 2004

That might just have been the crappiest movie I've seen...

N: Bye Daddy, I miss you.
D: Mm. Put your mum on.
D: Ok. Same!
N: No. Say it!
D: Fine! I miss you too.

LOL. Like it was such a chore =(

Last Night: Free Party @ Verandah Bar

I really am getting too old to party. But I had fun enough.

Later that Night: Slept @ Alisa's house

Sleepovers are cool. Except I reckon Alisa was too hammered to talk to me - PLUS, I had to be up early this morning

When my alarm went off: It was 8am, I snoozed it for one and a half hours

Does anyone know where I can find Big Dismal's album? I don't think they've released it yet in Australia. I reckon it'll be a top album though. That's why I just bought it from Amazon =).

So, I was thinking...

I'm a very forgetful person. For that reason:
1. I double book plans because I forget that I made plans on a certain night already
2. I am able to forgive better because I forget what got me fired up and angry/upset in the first place
3. I'm late a lot because I forget what time I'm supposed to leave or arrive
4. My mobile phone is chocablock with reminders and alarms
5. I rarely remember the funny parts of movies, nor how the movie ends 5 minutes after leaving the cinema

... and so much more.

Thing is, I find that I often find myself trying to push memories or situations out of my head unsuccessfully. There are so many things I remember that I wish I could forget. Why can't I be a little more consistent? Then I think about why those memories won't go away. I reckon that, whether I like it or not, I want to remember these things I try so hard to forget. Damn.

Anyway, looks like a stay-in tonight. I want to sleep right now, but if I do, I might not be able to sleep tonight. I'll find something to do...


PS. On ya Mamo!
PPS. Another related thought: It's hard to encourage people not to do something they really want to do

Friday, October 08, 2004

To blog or to sleep...

Guess which one I chose?

I've been awake for 24 hours now. Working on SITPP for around 70% of that time. What a glorious subject. I'm on a combined total of an hour's sleep. It's gonna hit me later. I just know it.

So many times I wish people understood me. I keep saying that in my head, but then, what if it's me that has the problem? That many people can't be wrong. Why do I have to be so stubborn? It's such a crazy world, this world.

Crazy... coz I chose blogging over sleeping. Well I'm gonna get me some now. Out.


Heard this song in the car today and it sounded nice:
Big Dismal - Missing You

* I haven't eaten a proper meal for about 30 hours (and if Macca's doesn't count as a proper meal, even longer!)
* I haven't had a lot of sleep...
* I'm too lazy to eat... and somehow I'm too lazy to sleep.

Anyway... so Peter G said "we did well" in our presso today. As expected, there were holes in our work but at least we're armed for the killer at the end of semester - hopefully.

Today... I wore makeup. Not really, I just put powder on my face because I didn't wanna look as dead as I looked when I got out of the shower.

... and now, Alisa's orders, I must sleep.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Mariah Carey ft. Trey Lorenz - I'll Be There

Ok... what the HECK is going on with my voice? It's sounding a little sexy these days. There's a little raspiness in the back of my thoat. The thing that's annoying me about it is that I can't sing. So fine, I'm not that good a singer. But I hate trying unsuccessfully to sing, coz now I'll just be singing and my voice will just cut off. I feel like Cosima (lol, as if I know how she felt).

So, I made a deal with myself today. That I'm going to be happy. I have a choice, and the alternative isn't good for my spirits. Do you reckon that the more you tell yourself you're happy, the more you start believing it? Well whatever, I'm pulling out the optimist in me today. I bringing out the girl that trusts that everything will be okay. I like her.

In other news...
* I'm working on a new project at work. Gonna be diving into JMS and peer programming. Something new, something different - exciting!
* Had lunch with Cchan today. It's always nice to catch up with people from the SS homecamp.
* I committed to going out on Friday night. How good is that? I hardly ever commit this early to plans.
* Rest would be good.

Ok bye!
12:40am: Hi =)

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

xscape - arms of the one who loves you

A bit of old school; although I can't really relate the song coz it's got 'love' all over it...

Sometimes I wonder...

Correction: Many times I wonder what people are thinking about when they stare into space. I wonder what's going through their mind when they look at different things, different people.

I like to observe the look in people's eyes. Wondering whether it's saying "What an idiot, but I love 'em anyway" when they're looking at their special someone. Seeing the "If I could change one thing..." look on the person who's made the biggest mistake of their life.

Lots of thoughts go through my mind during the day. I think deeply about a lot of things - so deeply that I almost live in my own world trying to guess what's going on in everyone's head.

I wish I knew what you were thinking. Raw end of the deal I tell ya.

In other news...

Just got my mail:
- I got the tickets for Hawaii! OMG OMG OMG It's getting closer!
- The Red Cross is coming to Mac again and they sent me a letter telling me I can donate again. That's nice. Especially since the last time I wanted to donate, they didn't let me coz I was sick. So, Monday the 18th... gonna give them my best blood yet!

Monday, October 04, 2004

I'm in a bit of a soft mood right now. Yeh, yeh... I'm always soft. But I'm a little more soft than usual right now.

Just got back from a weekend away with the uni kids. We were up at Umina from Saturday arvo till this afternoon. It was quite lazy, quite drunk, too relaxing, much fun. Lots of foosball, sh-dongs, some beach action, go the doggies, speed, Dodgeball, Jodeci and You Got Served.

Weekends away are so relaxing. Especially when you're away with your friends, away from the reality of life, away from responsibilities, just... away. There's so much I wish I didn't have to come back to.

Coz it'll never make sense.


Ok, the rest of this needs to go elsewhere.

I'm such a mess. I have a HCI presso tomorrow I've barely started. I THEN have a SITPP presso on Friday which I've barely started. This doesn't feel good, doesn't feel good at all.

Excuse the 'all over the place'-ness of this entry. There's a lot on my mind that I cannot eject. Bye!

Saturday, October 02, 2004

I was on fire last night at the Vigil.

... and it felt really good.

I had much to pray about.
I had much to be thankful for.
I had some to ask for strength for.
I had petitions for things out of my control.
I had to believe things are all going to work out.

Some people call it fate, others destiny. I call it His Will. Things happen according to His will in His time.

Weekend away this long weekend. Happy Labour Day!
Umina here I come! Bye!

Friday, October 01, 2004

Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway

That song is SO Avril. Anyway...


melancholy: 2.15am
exciting: Getting the invitation to the Mac Graduate Cocktail Party
extra exciting: Getting the free T-shirt with the invitation
lazy: Edwin, Dave and I sleeping in my living room after lunch
'the Internet never lies': "And meanwhile... trust"
oh damn: Realising I'm probably only going to work one day next week
what do i do now?: Right Now.


PS. Still not bulletproof

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear

Sunday, September 26, 2004

So I've had a pretty good weekend.

Friday night was a bit of a lost cause because all I did was hang out with my tweezers.

Lucky I got my rest though because Saturday was a BIG day. The CityTreasureHunt was good fun. SO tiring, but good fun. I wasn't very Sydney-smart though so I wasn't really competing. Next year though (yes I'm going to do it next year!), I'm gonna train myself mentally and physically for it. Very fun.

Last night we all headed up to Broadway for Foj's (+2 other people +minh) birthday party. Needless to say, I was a little trashed by the end of it all. But you know what? I had a really good time. A little everything-but-drunk fun isn't too bad. Plus, I met a whole lot of new people, hung out with the girls, talked to the boys... lots of fun.


... so ok, I'm not a good story teller. This is more my style isn't it:

One needs to stop caring to stop feeling
One needs to stop feeling to stop wondering
One needs to stop wondering to stop hoping
One needs to stop hoping to stop hurting


With that in mind, I don't think doing any of that is easy. Not easy at all. I was thinking this morning and I realised I'm still looking at that door. I'm working on it. I can probably turn away from the door, but I'll always have the doorknob etched into my hand.

In the words of Llewol... eat that. Bye.

Friday, September 24, 2004

So, last night I was thinking about the extent that my past has shaped my attitudes, personality and my decisions.

(I don't know how much I'm gonna share right here. Let's see how I go.)

Unlike most people I know, high school life for me wasn't the best time of my life. I know this because I see the way people talk about their high school years with a sense of nostalgia; I ask people "high school or uni life?" and I realise, under no circumstances, that I'd never really consider my actual high school life as a good memory in its entirerty.

... ok I'm being over dramatic.

High school wasn't bad. I made some really good friends, I grew up, I experienced things, I had fun. But it was those events, broken relationships, times of desolation that made me who I am today.

The people at my high school were different. When I look at who my friends are these days, I discover the type of people that I wish were around back in the day so I didn't have to experience everything I did. I had few real friends back then and I relied on my out-of-school life to keep me going.

Point is, I was never super comfortable. I was a drifter. Many of the relationships I made were surface relationships. They were fragile.

I hurt people without thinking. I got hurt. It wasn't easy.

It makes me wonder. It made me wonder whether I'd be more confident, less careful, more aggressive towards my relationships these days if I had a past where I was always accepted, always protected and never made to feel isolated.

I've had to depend on myself for a lot of my life. I think it's how you grow. When you know that things change, people change and little is CONSTANT, you have to adapt. You have to think before you act. You have to be mindful about how different people may react to things you do. Because we don't all have the same value system.

With that, I also want to add that... I'm still not perfect. I still offend people unknowingly, I can still be selfish, but I'm working on it.

That's it. Bye!

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Destiny's Child - Illusion

Allright. I don't know what I'm doing here. But I want to blog. But I honestly have nothing to blog about.

Um, so this week's been mediocre.

Monday night, I slaved away on my HCI assignment. That subject hurts me to the bone (somehow "hurts me to the bone marrow" doesn't sound that good... but if it did, I'd use that). It's physically painful. Not because it's particularly hard, it's not. It's painfully easy and useless.

Woke up Tuesday morning to finish the sucker off. Handed it in at the tutorial (where our tutor talked about the difference in her voice when a sentence ends in a '.' and a '?' - like really?) and skipped the lecture.

And lucky we did, coz I reckon if we actually went to class, we woulda gotten stuck on Parramatta Road on the way home because of some fire at Newtown-ish.

I also got my retainers in the morning. Which pretty much ends the whole braces/dentist-once-a-month chapter in my life. Kinda nostalgic about it if you ask me.

Today (well, yesterday now) is Krissy's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY COUSIN!

That's it. See? Told ya I had nothing to say. Bye!

Sunday, September 19, 2004

PMS is great. Now back to regular viewing...

On a Monday I am waiting
Tuesday I am fading
And by Wednesday I can’t sleep
Then the phone rings I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cause you’ve come to rescue me

Fall, with you I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath
I hope it lasts

It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody and messy
I get restless and it’s senseless
How you never seem to care
When I’m angry you listen
Make me happy it’s your mission
And you won’t stop till I’m there

Fall, sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom crash
You’re all I have

How do you know?
Everything I’m about to say
Am I that obvious?
And if it’s written on my face
I hope it never goes away

Saturday, September 18, 2004

It was much simpler when...

... the only man who I loved was my Dad.
... the only man who I found happiness in was my Dad.
... the only man who I wanted to tell everything to was my Dad.
... the only man who I was afraid to disappoint was my Dad.
... the only man who could make me cry was my Dad.

Then life messes you up and you can never go back to that.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Monday, September 13, 2004

UNCLE JOEL: Nel, your smile is different. There's no more blingbling.

HAHA. What a cracka. I'm gonna collect all my "no more braces" jokes... if I remember to.

In other news, I'm sick for the third time this year. ARGH!

Ok and does theOC have to take over the world? It's on tonight too! Gosh.

That's all. Good Night.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Suddenly 30

THE VERDICT: I laaaaaaaaahved it!

Are you surprised? More later. Bye!

-- EDIT --

It's almost 1pm on a Saturday afternoon, and I'm in my bed, blogging.

The world's fantastic.

Figure I should tell you what happened in the past week. I don't wanna bore you though so I'll just give you the pseudo-interesting bits.

SITPP Assignment One (I said pseudo-interesting right?) came and went this week. Well, it came a while ago, but it officially went yesterday when we handed it in... after a long night of tidying up, padding, trimming, you know the sort. My three troops cramped up into my room (and if you've seen my room, the word 'cramped' is almost an understatement) and worked until the wee hours of the morning to get the thing done. The End.

I was de-braced! Yep, my teeth are free! "Free at last, free at last! Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!". I've gotten the usual questions. The procedure was a lot more quick and easy than I expected. I didn't even know they were off until the dentist said "Ok you're done!". I was expecting a long and awful process of bracket removal, but it was the polishing and cleaning that took most of the time. It doesn't feel that much different actually. I'm not used to my new smile, so I don't wanna do it yet coz I liked my braces smile better for now.

Night out with the girls last night to watch Suddenly 30. Goes without saying that I adored it! Can't say a great deal about the plot being amazing or thought provoking, but seeing Jennifer Garner looking so beautiful was enough for me. And thanks to K-Mart, we have it on DVD! Wee! Best anniversary present EVER! (Just kidding! Happy 5mths Veed and K-Mart!)

... and I'm out.

Sunday, September 05, 2004


... Not everyone wants to hear what I have to say a lot of the time. Sometimes silence is needed to keep the peace.

That's it.
Possibly continuing on with last post's theme... THE PAST
How important is someone's past?
... and more importantly...
How much of someone's past is relevant to the make-up of their current character?
You hear it said many, many times. How we learn from our past experiences - whether they be good/bad experiences, good choices or mistakes.


mistake: n.
1. An error or fault resulting from defective judgement, deficient knowledge, or carelessness
2. An unintentional error

We all make mistakes. Some of them were intentional at the time, and it's only when you look back on them months or even years later that you realise how clouded, misguided or defective your judgement was. Some mistakes are petty and can be forgotten within a short period of time; others become a burden for a very large part of the future.

So does the burden every go away? Does the burden of a mistake ever expire?

How can it?

When you first meet someone, when you initially start to get to know them, don't we want to know what their past was like? And isn't it in our nature to automatically judge people because of their past? Sure, some people are able to see past another person's mistake - accept them as part of a misguided part of their life... but there will always be people that rely on the fact of a person's past and be unable to get past them to get to know the person NOW - the person who has potentially learned from their mistakes.

Then there are a whole set of unforgiveable mistakes. Each person has a different idea of what actions are part of this set.

So what happens when you meet someone that considers one of your past misjudgements as unforgivable? Is it even worth pursuing that friendship/relationship? ... when it's more than likely that, no matter how young/misguided/naive/blind/immature you were at the time, no matter how long ago it was when you made the mistake - it's always going be part of your character resume for that person.

Not many people enjoy remembering their past mistakes. Even more don't like to be judged because of them.

I'm one of those people. It's because of my past mistakes that I've realised how important it is to consider a person's CURRENT character instead of digging up a past that they don't want to remember. For some, mistakes are a means for gaining a similar realisation.

Just something I was thinking about. Bye.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Something was brought to my attention today.

Apparently I portray a 'good girl' persona, I make out to be some sort of 'angel'.

But you know what? I'm not. There's no way I deserve to be put on that high a pedestal.

It almost physically hurts to hear people tell me that I'm some sort of role model.

To tell me I have no blemishes...
To tell me I've never done anything to hurt anyone...
To tell me I can't possibly be capable of doing anything wrong...
To tell me that I know how to handle situations best...
To tell me I'm "not that type of person"...

... is telling me that you're being deceived. That you're just one of the people who have talked to me or read my blog and assumed that I'm a 100% 'good girl'.

I have just as many demons as the next person. Just to set the record straigh.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

SECOND LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS - Elements in a closed system tend to seek their most probable distribution; in a closed system entropy always increases. Isolated systems will tend to disorder.

I read that remembering that things seem to never be able to stay in harmony. The world always seems to find a way to mess things up, and for someone like me, that really really really sucks.

It's a cycle, I find though. Downtime is always followed by a bit of uptime so we've just got to train ourselves to endure the downtime. I'm a big believer in the sunshine after the rain.

I forgot my point.

Friday, August 27, 2004

faith n. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.
believe v. intr. To have firm faith, confidence, or trust
trust v. To have or place confidence in; To believe
"The important thing is for you to believe in something, because I promise you that that belief will keep you warm at night, and I want you to feel safe always."
-- JEN LINDLEY (Dawson's Creek)

What is it to have faith?

Can you advise someone to "have faith" in something? How can you possibly tell someone to believe in something? When material evidence is lacking, can you really convince someone to trust?

Something I've learnt is that trust, belief and faith come from within ones self. Unless one chooses to have faith in the unknown, attempts to convince one that something exists, or that something is possible, go unheard; and it's sad. It's sad because it's only through believing in the graces of the future that allows us to release ourselves from what holds us back, from what's stopping us from facing the world with confidence.

Learn from the past, live in the present and look to the future.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004


They exist - and just like secrets, everybody has them but nobody talks about them. Everybody has them and we all wish noone else did. But there out there. Can't do anything about them - so I blog about them.

Something I realised while on my holiday (yep, I holiday but my mind is still pondering) is that the biggest double standard that I have is the one by which I encourage people to 'move on'. Move on from situations, people, or, more commonly, past loves. I still attest to the fact that moving on can be, and many times is, one of the most liberating things one can do.

Why can't I, do you ask?

... because I'm not getting hurt, yet. I'm trying... I'm trying.


They say you need to earn respect. Respect and be respected right? So I suppose, if you attack, don't expect to not be on the receiving end of some sort of retaliation.

I don't appreciate feeling like a second rate friend to people who expect me to bend over backwards for them
I don't appreciate feeling attacked for asking a favour

... then people wonder why I'm not assertive. I get offended, just like everyone else, but I get over it. I just needed to vent.

I'll say it again, I'm over it. Don't ask me about this, unless you want me to relive it. Please don't make me relive it.


* Double Standards suck, but wishing people didn't have them would be a double standard in itself.

* Don't talk to me about this post

* You get what you give

* Don't talk to me about this post

* Good night.

... was a good getaway with the girls. The 3 M's and I flew out early Saturday morning on good ol' Virgin Blue and touched down around 8.30am at Melbourne's Tullamarine Airport.

After we dropped our stuff off at our humungous apartment (ok, not THAT huge but there was more than enough space for the four of us), we had brekky at The Pancake Parlour. Mindy parted with us soon after because she was feeling sick and her body didn't agree with her trekking around Melbourne City. Minh, Mel and I trekked it to Brunswick St and up Smith St, walking in and out of stores, walking out every few collectively poorer. We found Mindy in her pyjamas watching TV when we got back to the apartment. That's when the king of migranes hit. It must have come from all the continuous walking, the heat, the not so heat and the lack of food. I was out of order for a few hours. I pulled myself out, with migrane residue, to go to dinner at some Chinese restaurant in Chinatown. Yun joined us (i.e. "Mindy and co" - how insulted!) to finish off our leftovers toward the end of dinner. We chilled a bit at Transport bar in Federation Square before calling it a night. I think we were all physically too tired to party that night.

We were up semi-early on Sunday, ate Mel's homemade brekky and rode the tram for free to Bridge St for some more shopping. After Bridge St we went back into the city, split up and went exploring. I had to get back by 6-something to go to late mass at St. Patrick's before rushing home to watch the remainder of AIdol (Go Kasey!). When I got back, Mitch was being the JI of the night. After Idol, we had dinner at a cafe toward Crown then roamed around Crown. We watched the Crown flames at 11pm then had a late dessert inside the complex. Since we're all selfish, we all ordered (and didn't finish) one cake each. We went home after that and knocked out.

Sunday... the last day we hit Chapel St in South Yarra to pretend to shop. I didn't end up buying anything from there. I think I was all shopped out. We made a quick stop at St. Kilda before heading back up to the city so I could meet up with Trinski, who'd been waiting for the past 3 hours for us - OOPS! We caught up while looking for somewhere to eat, then we all had dinner at some very trendy Viet restaurant. That took us to the final hour... that was it. We picked our bags up from the apartment and cabbed it back to the airport to fly back home to Sydney.

Back to the real world. Back to reality. Back to life.

Thanks for the weekend girls. Love, love. Bye!