Summer in Sydney

I know I should be here where you are

Perhaps one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. I'm so sorry.

understanding

xscape - understanding
kandi - just so you know

I only downloaded the first song because I was looking for b2k's "understanding" but I got Xscape's version instead. Turns out pretty nice too! The second song I got because I remembered how crazy her voice sounded.

So the last few days, I've been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. My mum went in for an operation on Monday. It's funny - seeing her active on the weekend, then going to Westmead after work on Monday and seeing her immobile and in so much pain. The family's so crippled because of what's happened. We all walk around very worried, we look at the ground so noone sees us tear, and we try to go on with life pretending we're okay with what's going on.

Went to the hospital after work on Tuesday afternoon. She looked better. It seemed that it was only a matter of time before she was up and about again.

Wednesday brought out a lot of pent up emotion between Veed and I in the morning. As a result, I took the day off to bring myself together. I barely settled down at home when I got a call from the hospital telling me that Mum was being moved into the ICU - she was having a bit of trouble breathing the night before. So there was my mid-morning to afternoon. I went to the hospital with Kris and we just waited until we were able to see her. Veed came from work to see Mum too. We went home to rest aroun 5pm only to be called back an hour later because we were informed that she was gonna have to have another operation.

The family was at the hospital all night. I went home early with Katie because I had to work today. But word is, the operation went well and she's just recovering now. I went to see her today and, mate, she looks so helpless. I hate seeing her like that. She can barely open her eyes to see who's come to hold her hand, her heart's beating so fast, and she's attached to countless lines - connected to all sorts of monitors, drainers and medication.

We're doing fine. My dad's having a hard time with it all though so we're trying to be strong for him. My dad cried before he slept last night. It's very hard.

That's all I can think about reporting right now. More later... perhaps. Bye.

1 week to go!

That's right! One more week till Hawai'i!

On Friday Night, I went to Merv's house to plan some Hawai'i stuff with Al and Vin. Hyped me up some! We planned what most of our days would be like - chances of sticking to the plan... slim. After we got that out of our system, we Magic Sing'd (sung?) as usual. Magic Mic always brightens up our lives =]

I got home around 2.30am on Saturday Morning and Veed kept me up doing some 'Look Good Feel Better' last minute stuff till 4am. By this time, I had already shown symptoms of a rather icky cold. So, I managed around 2 hours sleep before having to get up, shower and go to the doctor to get my vaccines for Thailand. I've got a sore left shoulder now... well not really. It's like a bruise, don't touch it coz it'll hurt.

I bought myself a new memory card because of ... my last post. Then I headed off to the Four Seasons Hotel for the LGFB preps. I felt a little left out because I wasn't a model. I couldn't really mesh with the models because they all had their little posse, so I just roamed around pretending I had something to do. That something came when it was time to sit and take the event's registrations.

The fashion parade was entertaining - Minh was great, Linda was great, Sene and the whole lineup was great! The auction afterwards, however, was a little dry. All the people there were... a bit uptown so they had money to throw away on all the auction items. Maybe if I was rich... lol

Minh, Mel and I went home together on the train afterwards. We didn't talk, we slept. It was wonderful! We all went our separate ways to get ready for Lowl's dinner thing. I just slept. Then I got up because I realised I hadn't wrapped the present yet. So I was out of the house rather late for the 8pm meeting time.

We met everyone at The Roxy at Parramatta for dinner. It was so good seeing everyone again. It's so rare that a large group of us can sit around and just talk over dinner these days - so I enjoyed it. Most of the group went to the city afterwards, but I was feeling 5 parts sick, 4 parts tired and 1 part KJ so I just went home with the girls and Phil. We just lazed around till Minh had the guts to call it a night =] I was BEAT!

Anyway... I think it'd be a nice opportunity to holler at the November babies right now: Tita Dimps, My Nix, Mikhail, Renny, Cyrille, Uncle Joel, Lowell, Jin, Tita Rose and all the other kids I forgot to mention. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

So, Lowl said I shouldn't write about things noone understands =] Apparently, that suggestion is justified at the lack of comments on some of my blogs. HAHA. Oh well, I'm sorry... my mind's a little cluttered up there. But I'll come up with something new soon - I promise!

Meanwhile, you can look through my pictures pages. Having a camera is great! Just check out imagery on the side bar. ENJOY.

I'm gonna get some rest now. Seeya!

bit peeved

So I bought my new toy today: a Sony CyberShot DSC-L1

... only to discover I need a Memory Stick DUO for it. My old memory stick won't work in it.

DAMN.

from the mind of mulch

Last night I got a good 8 hours of sleep. Something I haven't had in a while because of uni assignments, late night chats (hi Lanie) and the plain desire to stay up as a force of habit.

Regardless of the amount of sleep I got, however, the wakeup process was just as tough as it was the day before.

WAKING UP

... is hard. When you get the right amount of sleep, dream the right dreams, in the right climate, without interruption, you feel good in the morning....... that is, after the initial waking up.

Most mornings, I set my alarm for 6.10am for a 7.10am departure. I'm sometimes awake 2 minutes before the alarms due to go off, but EVERYTIME it does, my impulse is to hit the snooze button on my mobile. Other times, I'll turn the alarm off altogether and only get up at 6.50am, when I'm 20 minutes away from walking out the door. Sometimes I'll get dragged out of bed by the my little sister (hi Veed) pleading for me to make sure we're out by 7.10am.

It's not that I stay in bed because I still need to sleep - it's more because I don't want to wake up.

After I do wake up, however, I'm fine. I just need to embrace the reality of the life I'm waking up to. Once I've detached myself from the comfort of the world of sleep and dreams, waking up should become easier to deal with.

IMPULSE

The ability to control impulse is the base of will and character - Daniel Goleman

WHERE: Impulse is the medium of emotion.

I react impulsively to my emotions. That's my character. That's all.

LOVE and FEAR

Love is the physiological opposite of the "fight-or-flight" mobilization shared by Fear and anger
- Daniel Goleman

That's beautiful. Fearless love.

Seeya!

... and Carrie

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love - ridiculous,
inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Oh. My. Gosh

oh my Rachel

As much as I am not a big Ross and Rachel fan, I got a little stung by her goodbye to him:

I cannot believe that after 10 years you do not know one thing about me! [Fine, then why didn't say something?] Because it is too... damn hard Ross! I can't even begin to explain to you how much I am gonna miss you. When I think about not seeing you everyday, it makes me not want to go. Okay? So if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong - it's because you mean more to me. So there, allright? There's your goodbye!

*sigh* There really is something about the helplessness in her eyes and the desperation in her voice. What is the poor girl to do?

... tonight I'm gonna see what road Carrie is gonna take, next week Rachel. KNOW that I'm gonna analyse their choices inside out and upside down.

Ok bye... for now.

Don't push me coz I'm close to the.... EDGE

Can I share with you how I'm feeling right now? Actually... Mindy's quiz did it for me (sorta):

You are passionate about your causes and steadfast in your commitments. Once you've made up your mind, no one can convince you otherwise. Your politics are left-leaning, and your lifestyle choices decidedly temperate and chaste.

You do tremendous work when focused, but usually you operate somewhat distracted. You blow hot and cold, and while you normally endeavor on the side of goodness and truth, you have a massive mean streak which is not to be taken lightly. You don't get mad, you get even.

... and

Wackiness: 40/100
Rationality: 28/100
Constructiveness: 72/100
Leadership: 38/100

Now back to how I'm feeling

I feel like I'm on extended PMS. I've had the shortest temper over the last few days and my patience with things/people I can normally deal with, well, has withered. There are times I feel like just going "Bloody oath you're a frikn idiot!" - just because. So I'm sorry to the people that have had to put up with my attitude. I don't quite know what to do with it.

Ok I feel better now

Y'know how sometimes you need to let a bit out to calm a bit down? Well that helped. I guess when you see how awfully angry/frustrated/impatient you are, you realise you see the person you don't want to be. Then I stop and think about why I'm being so edgy... and I realise it's really very stupid. Geez I'M the frikn idiot!

But I'm fine now...

Thank you for listening. Good night!

PS. One more thing: if you do at all, please pray for my Mum. She's going in for a pretty big operation next Monday and I'm really scared for her.

doh! big spender!

I'm not that big a spender. But, at this stage in my life, where I've got accommodation to sort out for an overseas trip, I shouldn't be spending much.

BUT HEY! I just finished uni!

PLUS: I haven't bought myself anything for months because of Europe! So c'mon! I deserve it........ right?

Yesterday, I bought this really nice skirt and sleeveless top from deja vu in Wynyard. I LOVE IT! I didn't even have to try it on, I loved it so much. Do you guys need to try before you buy - if you know you like the style and it LOOKS like it'll fit? Coz I don't. I only try when I'm not sure it'll fit, or look good on me; like, if I'm unfamiliar with the brand or what not. You just shoulda seen the shock on Natalee and Mel's face when I told them I wasn't gonna try it on.

Today, I bought shoes to match the outfit. You would've bought them too! They were so cute! That's it.

... oh AND I finally bought myself a suitcase for Europe! It's currently living at my Tita's house because we didn't want to shock my Dad. He's having a little trouble dealing with me going away right now.

ALSO, my mum agreed to get me a digital camera! Remember how mine broke in the US? Well I'm gonna get the new Sony Cybershot so I'm pretty excited about that. It's more than $300 too so I can get the GST off it when I leave for Hawai'i!

Hawai'i is in 2 weeks! Eeps!

Ok enough. Bye!

... and again

So I moved again. Thanks to my Nixc for giving me space :)

Anyway, so there's not much I have to say today. I spent the last hour fixing my computer because it kept on crashing and, until now, I don't know what was wrong with it.

I have not as yet caught up for the lack of sleep Monday night. I've been having consecutive late nights over the past few days. This, of course, has not had a good effect on my coffee diet. I've been coffee-ing for the past few days and it's SO not good for me.

Since:
1/ I am re-hosted,
2/ I miss blogBack commenting, and
3/ I have no uni projects to go on with

I think it's time for a new layout. Any ideas? I have a few but they're all work-in-progresses in my head.

Tonight Minh and Mel came over for some chillage. We watched Center Stage which I only liked because of 'Nice Eyes' and because of the Ruff Endz song (which I am in the process of downloading).

Also, now that uni's out of the way, I have a lot of pre-Hawaii/Europe stuff to do:
* Book hotels for Venice/Rome
* Book trains from Venice->Florence->Rome
* Book London hotel
* Book Madrid hotel
* Get shots for Thailand
* Figure out what we're doing in Hawai'i (Hawai'i planning night next FRIDAY!)
* Pick a good suitcase to bring on both trips
* ... and the list goes on!

Anyway, in the middle of writing this post, I've restored my blogBack comments so Nix(x2), Mel and Mindy - your comments are gone =(. Even though I don't act like it sometimes, I love you anonymous readers and tell me I'm an idiot =]

Hello weekend! Bye to the rest of you!

*ohYEH*

For all you Blogger Bloggers, activate your Site Feeds and send me your feed URL's! RSS/Atom is my new obsession!

Settings > Site Feed

PLEASE? Tnx.

The End of an Era

First Uni, now Spryte061.com.

I don't know what to do here? I don't even know if I like it yet.

I lost all my comments. That's sad. Oh well.

Change is GOOD.

Bye!!

Later OOTS

Uni is OVER! Yep, no more exams, no more assignments, no more late nights doing 80 page reports, no more boring lectures from monotonal lecturers, no more peer assessments...

It's the end of a four year era - I was a bit nostalgic when we finished my final HCI presentation this afternoon.

What am I gonna do now?

I'm gonna need to take u some sort of hobby or activity to make the most of these summer nights! What to do, what to do...

COMING UP:
* 3 weeks of full-time work =\
* So I think my birthday/graduation/desbidida/Christmas/New Year celebrations might need to be bumped up to the 26th November. Early, I know... but there's no time!
* Hawaii!! then EUROPE!! Woohoo!

--

So who didn't watch the Sex and the City farewell last night? I'm not a huge fan of the show, but I got a little touched by it all. Those girls bring up such interesting topics on friendship, love, life... and sex. It's quite entertaining actually.

I'm trying to define who Mr. Big is in a woman's life.

"There is an elusiveness to Big that most women have encountered at some point in time. And just like the real-life Mr. Bigs, he makes Carrie believe she is the one who can get into his heart. She will be the one to break through, and capture his affection for eternity. But she never quite gets through. The potential for commitment is enough to sustain her for a while, but Carrie can only endure so much ambivalence and heartbreak."

Then there's Aiden (*sigh* Aidan):
- So genuine
- So caring
- So flawless

Then there's Berger who I'd be cautious of ever dating. I wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship where I am intimidating to the other person.

Why is it that we're attracted to the Mr. Big's of the world? Why do we always want what's so difficult to get? Why can't we be satisfied with the Aidan's?

Is it the challenge?

That's my initial thought. I find it EXTREMELY hard to turn down a challenge - no matter how battered I get in the process. They say...

What doesn't kill you, only makes you STRONGER

So maybe it's because the danger, the hurt, the challenge... strengthens us? That doesn't sound logical for crap.

So how does it stop?

How the HECK do you give up the addiction to danger?

I didn't get much sleep last night coz of our last HCI assignment - 2 and a half hours (which, I reckon, is the reason I woke up 6 stops late on the train home!) - and it hurts. My body is tired. But I won't change. I am driven, motivated, by the dangerrisk that I won't get things done...

I don't know where I'm headed with this. My head isn't really forming opinions or arguments very well right now. Oh damn.

Bye!

One down... one to go!

HIGHLIGHT of VIGIL LAST NIGHT/THIS MORNING

... playing piano in the silence of the church with Kristela singing "Make my heart a Dwelling Place" next to me. It was so... soothing.

--

So anyway, SITPP is OVER! My University years are coming to an end. It's a little bit bittersweet, but I can't say I'm going to miss it much. What I do miss about Uni is just chilling out at the CompLabs, having lunch at the cafeteria... stuff that I did 2 years ago. I haven't really done much of that in the last couple of years because of work - so that's sad.

What else can I say? Sorry about not blogging on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Not that ya'll really care =)

RANDOM THOUGHTS
1. Most addictions have some sort of negative repercussion - it'll put you in some sort of health danger, weight danger (grr hazelnut chocolate), or simply complicate (how's that for an oxymoron?) your life. Have you ever had to give up something you're addicted to? I've found that, with some addictions, detatchment from the subject is more effective (and feasible) than giving them up. That's just some. Many bad addictions need to go away.

2. Do I come off as "strong" to you? Not that I know what I mean by "strong", but do I seem like a strong person? I'm not talking physically strong (coz I know I'm NOT), I think it's mentally strong I'm referring to. Strong willed maybe? I don't know... that sounds really messy.

3. "If you prefer apples to oranges, eat the orange" <-- my new way to combat my lack of self-control.

4. "If we give up our minds / let the feeling in our hearts take over" <-- my current mindset and the reason for #3.

5. I read into things BADLY.

6. OPM always presents such sad love stories. There's so much "I'm in love with you but you've got a girlfriend/boyfriend" or vice versa. C'mon you Filos - sing about happy love sometimes. Just kidding... there's some good Filo happy love songs. They sound so beautiful and full of emotion...... then you translate them and they're not that sweet sounding. The meaning's mad but translation sucks.

Ok, time to catch up on sleep. Bye!

Dazed

"Ate, you're so interesting"

I was a bit touched. Then I saw the sarcasm wrapped around the statement. Damn.

Ok I have nothing else to say right now. My mind is not working.