A whole heap of wine, 3 cute guys, a $114 cab ride home, an unproductive day at work, half a giant sandwich, 8 bottles of Archers, 20 bottles of Tooheys New (the 250ml stubbies hehe), 1 bottle of Midori, Some Bailey's, X Karaoke songs and a lazy day's sleep later...

It's been a long last 2 days. That's it. I was tossing up taking down the laundry and blogging - you know which one won :).

Where do I start?

The last week has been a bit of a rush. Lots happening, a bit of PMS, a bit of IMS (irritable male syndrome - in your face boys!) and just good ol' QT with the wonderful people I call my friends.

SUNDAY/MONDAY - I spent mostly doing church stuff. Had a talk to my spiritual director and sorted a few things out about myself...
Monday arvo/night I went to uni for SEF. But I guess you don't really need to know all the boring details about that. A bit funky but y'know...

TUESDAY - My cousins (Paolo and Martin) came back from QLD where they had been with my Tita and my mum. They're so adorable. OOH. Before I forget, here's some conversation I had with Martin:

NEL: What bad guys did Batman have to fight?
MARTIN: The Joker and Mr. Freeze! (not sure about the last one...)
N: Oh why? What did they do?
M: Mr. Freeze FREEZES everything!!!!!
N: Oh really? And what does the Joker do?
M: (thinks for a bit) He tells jokes!
N: But I like jokes? Why does Batman not like jokes?
M: Jokes aren't good!!
N: Yes they are, they're funny!
M: No... (points) Look! There's a monster!... Jokes Lang! See? Was that funny?
N: Noooo... Scary jokes aren't funny! I like funny jokes!
M: (thinks for a bit, then points) Look! There's a clown! HAHA... Jokes Lang!

I couldn't stop laughing! That's it. Anyway, Tin and Paolo are the cutest cousins EVER! Tin has this huge belly that you could probably sleep peacefully on forever - and Pao is so intelligent... he probably knows everything about all the racing cars in the world... plus some! They left this morning, that was a bit sad...

THURSDAY - I just went into uni for PMQA. We got our assignment back... Dave and I were both pretty excited coz we 86'd it. Wonderful.
After class I parked the car near work (how expensive is parking in the city??) then went into work for 3 hours hehe. Half of that time was spent at a birthday thing and a meeting so it went pretty fast.
Nat and I jetted around 5.45 for the Macquarie ASM. It was pretty fantastic. Real exciting... met lots of new people, had a lot of free food and wine, danced on a podium, fell in love 3 times... awesome night! Nat and I picked Minh up from Pavillion and took advantage of the cabcharge I had to get us all home.

FRIDAY - was another lazy day. I was a little bit buggered from the night before and that contributed to the day's low productivity. Highlight of my work day was probably lunching with M&M and Nat at the giant sandwich place. Can't get enough!
M&M and I left work early to go to uni for class... the night's AFI presentation was a little dry. But y'know...
After class, the AFI filos (minus Jos) and Minh (hehe) plus Mel trekked it to my house where we were having despidida for my cousins and my Tita. It was a pretty good night... lots of talking, food, karaoke and alcohol. The LL's followed shortly after and a little later that night Minh's boyfriend and his friend dropped in too. Got a little tipsy plus some so everyone had a pretty good time. Kudos to Bjorn, Dave and Nix for helping me clean the place up before they left :)

SATURDAY - has been tres lazy. That's all I have to say about it - really. Something I liked too was that a few things were sorted out here and there... so, happy!

Ok... so onto the laundry! Laters.

Weakness.

I have many. Let me share some with you...

* I'm an idealist - so I've been told recently. I used to think that this was an okay quality to have but when you're an idealist, nothing is "right" unless it's "ideal". What I've learnt recently is that something that seems "ideal" isn't always "right"...
* I'm a perfectionist. I have expectations of myself, and of people that I work with to produce what may sometimes be an unrealisticly perfect solution/assignment. Very high expectations. I want everything to be of the standard that I expect it be. Although it may imply that I'm ambitious or whatever, it also means that I might tend to push people beyond their limits. Being a perfectionist comes with stress. I blame the stress I experience on my need for perfection everywhere around me.
* I'm too careful. This means I don't take risks often. I'm not assertive when I need to be. I hold back because I don't like conflict.
* I'm terrified of change - mainly because I think changing is a weakness in itself. You know when people tell you to "never change for anyone"? I take that seriously and I think that any change in myself is a change for someone. I'm terrified of the unknown consequences of change - whether it be a change in lifestyle, friendships, or attitudes.

There you go. A little insight into me.

Something else I was thinking about. What matters more? Your external persona - or what you really are on the inside? I used to think it was one's inner strength, but recently I've begun to believe that it's the way you deal with your internal sufferings externally that matters. That's what people see. That's what people judge you on. People respect those who are outwardly strong. How many people look up to those who break-down in public over something they can't manage on their own?

I might be strong 95% of the time... but it just takes that 5% for a person's reliance on my strength to falter.

It's with a lot of things really. Sometimes, a beautiful face with one tiny flaw can cause people to see that face as something ugly. Sometimes, someone intelligent saying "I don't know" could make that person 'not so intelligent'. Often it's a good person's one mistake that causes people to turn away from them and brand them 'imperfect' and not 'normal' or 'human'.

One more thing. Something Mel blogged about in her last blog. About how "the people [or person] that can make you feel better [or happy] the best are the people who can also hurt you the most". Made me think a little. About the power that the person who can invoke these fragile emotions from someone has.

It's like when I used to tell Alisa that she had the power to destroy me because of everything she knew about me. I'm just eternally grateful that the people I choose to really trust choose to look past my faults and encourage me to press on.

A smile... can say more than just "you just made me happy". A smile, a thank you, a "you've really made my day" could just as much mean "you can really hurt me" or "please be careful with my trust".

Just to end my looooooooong reflection of crap, something the priest said in his sermon today. Has anyone come up to you and told you that they're praying for you? It's happened to me before... and let me tell you - it's the biggest injection of encouragement. That tells me that that person really cares for me. Cares for more than just me, but for my soul as well.

Oh gosh. Sorry for that. I get emotional sometimes. Bye!

*editEXTRAedit*
Like you're not sick of me already. But I was just taking down laundry from the line. I started thinking about the fights me and Veed have sometimes. Dialogue that goes between the two of us often goes along the lines of:
SISTER 1: Because you made me feel like...
SISTER 2: I'm sorry I made you feel that way, but I didn't intend for you to feel like that
SISTER 1: So you need to be mindful of what you do and think about how it makes people feel...

(today, fyi, I was SISTER 1... but usually I'm SISTER 2)

So anyway, I was thinking about the little riff Veed and I had today... and it's amazing how things that you do affect people in ways you never imagined. I've been the affector (or? or er?)... but I've also been the affected. Doesn't feel good. Surely everyone's been in both these positions - maybe you don't know you've been the affector, but how could you know right? Yes so... I just think that's interesting. Bye.

motown. - req by llewol

So when I think about Motown, seriously, all I think about is Boyz II Men. Because I think I ventured out into the music world late enough to have missed everything that came before them. Plus it reminds me of Motownphilly (I can't type Motown first go without typing Mow\btown) - which reminds me of my first concert ever.

Y'know when I went to the Boyz II Men concert back in ninety-fow (10 YEARS AGO - gosh) all I knew about the group was everything from End of the Road to II. Wasn't that much of a diehard fan I must say. But I remember being at the concert and them getting us to sing that bit in Motownphilly with them and I thought it was the coolest, most creative thing I've ever heard.

Oh yeh and I also remember that Superbowl a few years back when the half-time show was all Motown "Every guy, grab a girl... everywhere arooound the world!" VERY COOL.

So my first concert was a Boyz II Men concert...

The next one I went to was... neXt - which was crazy fun because RL blew us a kiss!
Then... many years later, but only four months ago - Australian Idol! Probably the best concert ever because I was with the most diehard Australian Idol fans I knew...
AND... in around 3 weeks or so... Justin Timberlake! I can't wait man!

Nothing much has happened the past week...

Oh... my cousins and my Tita came to Sydney from the Phils on Wednesday. The boys are soooo cute! When they got to my house, it was like having little people running around again. It hasn't felt like that since Cheska and Jon were here last Winter.

AND... when I watched them (coz they're so fun to just watch) playing at Parra on Thursday, Nix and I started getting all maternal again. We were thinking about how beautiful it would be to have kids of our own. We also started thinking about how devastating it'd be to not be able to do so - if we never get married, or if we're infertile. My gosh - my heart would break.

What else? Oh yeh, I had lunch at some Jap place with Mel and her CBA/ex-CBA friends on Friday. That teriyaki chicken was fantastic!

Then there was last night's AFI presso at uni... followed by a bit of group talkage outside Bldg 10. I miss that crap.

TONIGHT'S PLAN: Get started on my 0% progress SEF assignment.

Peace out... A-Town. Motown. Goodnight.

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining.
I believe in love even when I cannot feel it.
I believe in God even when he is silent.
-- Written on the wall of a Nazi concentration camp

That's faith.

Anyway... Kimmy just called to tell me that the sunnies that Veed gave me for Christmas and that I lost 5 days later are with her. Bianca or Llena must've kept it or something coz it's been with them for months!! I'm so happy!

Last night... We infiltrated TROY - and what a challenge that was! Nix drove us up to Broadway first coz that was the initial plan - FIVE SESSIONS FULL! Unfortunately, Mamo and Grace couldn't stay if we went elsewhere so they skipped of. Next stop: Burwood - TWO SESSIONS FULL! That place was packed too! Geez... how popular does this movie need to be? Anyway, we met up with Minh and Will at Reading where we just missed he 9.15pm session but we got tix for the 10.30pm coz we weren't gonna go home after all that running around to watch the movie!

We had a bit of time to burn so we had a tres healthy dinner at Macca's. Nix bumped into some old Santa girls... and as we were waiting for the movie to start, we saw a bunch of uni kids come in too.

Was it worth it? Eh. Probably - the movie was good no doubt. But Nix and I were teasing everything from Paris' punciness to Hector's son's extraordinarily oversized head (gives Lish's head competition! LOL j/k) so on our way home, we weren't sure if we actually liked any of the characters...

Got home, phoned it, slept. The End.

Usher - That's what it's made for
Usher - Simple Things
Christina Milian - Down For You

pa.2 of THIS post's edit...
Good writing Nix. Seriously. I dug around for that a bit coz I was thinking about it some today.

I may be a Perceiver - but I know how to commit to my friends. It's amazing how many posts on so many people's blogs these days are about their friendships and how valuable they are to them. It makes you wonder WHY people need to emphasise the importance of friendship when it should be common knowledge already.

Anyway... rundown:
- The BIT babies + some compscis graduated on Wednesday! Emm-Enn-Emm (hehe) JI'd on it for a bit. I skipped my Sysprog lecture to have lunch with them down at the Rocks. My braces went green after lunch! Ew.
- Had to get home Wednesday arvo coz I had to finish of my PMQA assignment. We went for a whole 12 hours that night. Suffice to say, I was DEAD afterwards. After about 3 hours of sleep, I got back up to tie a few loose ends up with the assignment. We handed the assignment in on Thursday... then I went home and crashed all night.
- Law & Order : SVU is pretty cool.
- T'was good to be at work on Friday.
- Got my sysprog assignment results back yesterday. Pretty good for a two-nighter, late night job.
- Pretty entertaining AFI Presentation last night.
- Lowell was frunk last night... that's a funny sight.
- I slept for 12 hours last night. SWEEEEEET!
- I'm going to watch TROY soon. So I better shiiznower now.

Peace.

Ok, I'm not generally a sad person (at least, I'd like to believe that) but I just need to say this straight out because it's kinda been eating at me for a while.

I think it was Cruz's birthday earlier this year when I asked it first. I asked the girls what was so special and so extraordinary about having a boyfriend. They attempted to answer my question, but being Ms. I-don't-NEED-a-boyfriend, I brushed each off as something that's not really a necessity.

Today, after a looooot of thinking, I came to the conclusion that I'd LOVE to be somebody's somebody...
...I'd love to be the first person on someone's mind when they wake up in the morning
...I'd love to feel like I complete someone's life
...I'd love to have someone making sure I'm okay all the time
...I'd love to have someone wondering what I'm doing
...I'd love to fall in love

This is so not me. I don't know why I want this all of a sudden. But I suppose, when you realise that you're always going to be second or third in other peoples' lives - you get a little selfish and want someone for yourself.

As much as I don't think I deserve it... I wish I could have it. Someday, one day... maybe.

This isn't to say that I want just ANYBODY. There's a HUGE difference between being anybody's somebody and being somebody's somebody. Don't you think?

I wonder whether I'm lucky enough to have experienced something like that temporarily. Maybe it's made me worse off - because you can't really want something you've never experienced at all.

Oh well. Back to reality. It's not my will, it's His - and there really isn't anything more you could want if it's His will, right?

Laters.

How many different kinds of weekend can you have?
Coz you have the ones that are real lazy, real crazy or a little... eh.

I'm trying to decide which category of weekend the last one falls into...

On Friday Night, we watched our first stress free AFI presentation. It was... interesting. Almost leading to the tasteless side though. Bjorn dropped me off at Mt Druitt for the Vigil. I love it when it hits midnight and all the girls rock up - it's amazing, the energy they have that late at night.

I spent half of Saturday catching up on sleep from the previous night.

Did I tell you about Thursday night? Well... I was working on my PMQA assignment with no energy and motivation because I just felt really burntout. I thought it'd be a good idea to have a coffee at 9 o'clock at night. Very dumb. I hardly slept that night - and that's the worst! Shutting my eyes so tight and hoping to wake up at 6am but realising only half an hour has gone by since the last time I checked... hmph.

I had some PMQA mojo on Saturday arvo though so I made up my own PERT. A little proud, a little sceptic about its correctness but at least we have something to go by right? No more rough sketches in my notebook. By the time I finished, it was already 8pm. The rest of the night went a little like this
* Nikkie's 13th Birthday Party - Dropped in, ate, dropped out
* Therese's 18th Birthday Party - Dropped in, felt old, ate because noone else was, taxed some food, dropped out
* Was gonna drop into Danny's 21st but apparently they'd retreated to go bowling earlier in the night... craaaaaap.
* Went with Nix to meet up with Vin, Al and their friend Stephanie
* Karen's 21st Birthday Party - Dropped in, amused ourselves, felt very boring because those people are way too crazy for us, dropped out

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

The family had lunch at Viaggi's today... okay. As yummy as the food was - the hour plus wait we had to endure was not worth it. I have so many issues with that cafe.

Ok... gonna play the waiting game now. BYE.

When a parent finds half a case of beer in the car that they didn't buy, what do you expect them to say? Well I expected a little "Did you get drunk? Did they boys get drunk? Did they take advantage of you coz you were drunk?" talk - but my dad is different. Good ol' Daddy asked one thing only: Why do your friends drink lite beer?

Since I talked about my dad, I might as well mention that my mother is a pretty bad grocery shopper. I was putting away the groceries just then, and as I was putting away the two-pack paper towel package, I find there are 5 rolls in the kitchen waiting to be used. 1..2..3... Oh mum!

Oh yeh, and with my tedious PMQA assignment in mind, I asked my mum "So mum, do you use PERTs at work?". Wise words from my mum, the project manager: "Oh yeh! But I don't read it, it's too big" Nice to know I'm learning something useful...

*editEXTRAedit*
Great.

I just checked the provisional exam timetable and one of my exams falls on 29 Jun - a day when I'll just settling into NJ, USA. Not to mention that my other exam falls on the 24 Jun - the day before I fly to LA, USA. I can deal with that... I don't know what to do about the other exam! Lucky I'm not so slow that I missed looking at the provisional and was looking at the final *phew* I guess I gotta do some rearranging on Monday. Sorry SEF folk... I'm gonna push to move the exam up a bit :)

That's it.

Running in this weather is very liberating. I took my trusty mobile radio with me just in case I got unmotivated and I ran for about half an hour. Eventually I hope to go for hour runs because that'd just be GREAT. Too bad I don't have the time for it these days =
Meanwhile, I got rejected from ANZ. Even though I didn't want it much, rejection never feels good.

I can tie my hair up now... there are still bits of hair that fall to the side, but I don't have to put as many bobby pins in it anymore.

I smell really bad right now - I don't like this post exercise aura thing.

ALIAS isn't on tonight. Damn. Yeah... like Shanghai Noon is going to make me feel better about not seeing Episode 14 (apparently Will's first "OH MY GOSH" episode).

I think I'll take out the rubbish now. OOH memory! Veed told me this one - features her and my cousin Francesca (Cheska) from Seattle, USA.
Veed: Ok Cheska, just put it in the rubbish bin.
Cheska: (so confused) Rubbish bin?

HAHA... that's it. If you didn't get it... then it won't be funny if I explain it... but basically, the American's don't call it rubbish and they don't have rubbish bins. They have "trash" and "trash cans".

Ok I need to wash this stench off me. Laters.

I was just at Mindy's blog and she's used the word intense to describe the past couple days.

I can barely disagree with that because, like I said earlier, there's so much going on - and there's not enough time and patience on anyone's part to sit down and rationalise anything that's happening around us.

It's something that Alisa and I kept repeating in our *timecheck* 4 and a half hour d&m yesterday. It's all been happening in the past few months and all that anyone wants to do is SCREAM and make it all go away. But, you know what? I think it's in the most difficult times in your life when you realise who's down and who's willing to stick around.
* They're the people who rock up and can sit with you in silence while you recompose yourself and try to be each other's strength
* They're the people that tell you they wanted to call you because they could see the desperation in your eyes
* They're the people who blurt out "Hey, gotta go" to the person on the phone when you walk into their room red-eyed
* They're the people who know what's wrong without you saying it
* They're the people who say it like it is...
* They're the people who make sure you're not being stubborn and close minded - and give you an earful when you are
* They're the people who believe in your strength...

I'm feeling a little better after everything that's gone down...

I just want to say that you didn't hear the most important part of the sentence, and that upsets me. But, you know what? If this situation makes you happy, so be it. You're right, you've got some really beautiful people around you - that's all I ask.

apparently, i'm dillusional
apparently, it's better for someone to lie to you than to tell you the painful truth
apparently, wanting to be friends with lots of people is wrong
apparently, caring isn't enough
apparently, you can be friends with someone even though you resent them
apparently, it's ok to have selective hearing
apparently, assumption gives more credibility than fact
AND
apparently, i'm supposed to understand that

It's been a looooooooooooong week. I don't have the time and energy to go through it all so let's do it like this...
* Doing my sysprog assignment at home wasn't an option because our phone line was out - so I slept over KKK's on Tuesday night so I could finish it
* An abundance of sleep hasn't occured within the past five days
* I was up on Wednesday night doing Accounting Presso scripts. Then I responded to an SOS so I didn't sleep until 1-ish
* I was up on Thursday night because Tommy said that girls are... like that... once 2am rolls around
* I was up on Friday night because if I closed my eyes, someone would call me a dog and wake me up
* I was up last night because we celebrated Mamo's 21st birthday
* The accounting presso was great... the expected hiccups were present but we got a positive response overall
* My accounting team is the best acounting team in the world
* I like the way Nix checked up on me on Friday night ;)
* Mango gelatissimo is fantastic - a larger cup would be like eating mangos forever!
* Alisa and I d&m'd for around 3 hours today, where d&m = talking + crying + laughing + bluntness + memories
* I have a mid-sem to study for and I'm 0% done
* Veed reminded me that if He takes me to it, He'll take me through it
* ... I just need to find His hand right now

It's been a difficult week. I've been through every heightened emotion you can think of... and now I'm tired.

SEEYA.