Sunday, April 25, 2004

Christina Milian - Someday One Day

When you have lots of alone time - you think, right?

Well, I have lots of alone time. So I think. Sorry.

So I was driving home from my one-on-one rehearsal with Mamo (Canterbury Road is looooooong) and I was thinking about how you only realise how bad things were after you step back and evaluate what's happened. Ok, no matter how you read that, it will not make sense...

Let's try that again....

I reckon, in life, you've no doubt got bad episodes. Those times when you're in some really crazy cycle that you can't get out of. You're not thinking clearly, not making decisions properly and you're just digging yourself a deeper and deeper hole. The deeper you get, the harder it is to climb back out again. It's only when you jump out of the hole that you've dug, walk away, and look back that you begin to wonder what on earth possessed you to stay in that hole. It might be because that hole was safe. The hole was yours... and to walk away from something that made you feel good, something that was comfortable, something that was yours - is beyond difficult.

I had a bigger spiel here... but I figured it can all be summarised by saying that I hate being messed with - and I think I've just been messed with.

Oh yeh, and the best type of friends are the friends that want to listen to you. They're the people you want to listen to.
It sucks when people don't bother asking how you are, worrying about you - because somehow, there are more important things to life.

In other news...
- I saw Kill Bill V2 last night with Nix, Mindy and LL squared - quite good. Not as good as V1, but still.
- I went to Fay's 18th Birthday last night - people need to know how to control their mouths man. I was looking around, met eyes with some girl and turned back around because i don't like eye contact. Then she blurted out all this profanity... loser.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I just wanna say a few things:

1. ALIAS is too good. If you don't already love it for its action - love it for its use of words. Something that really hit home tonight: "Your kindness tortures her"

That hurt. It really did. Because it's true. It happens. The times you have be strong when someone you care about is being nice to you, sweet to you, kind to you - when really, their kindess rips you up inside.

2. I love my friends. I really do. Something that I've learnt is that - it hurts when they don't know that... or they don't believe it.

3. My dad always tells me that I'm the elder one in the family for a reason. Something about me possessing the qualities to be a good big sister. I wonder whether that applies to everything. I wonder whether, if I wasn't the way I am, that my life would be THAT different. I wonder whether, if I switched around my priorities, things would pan out the way they have. I wonder what'd happen if I was like everyone else.

Recently, I learnt that it is our ambitions, our expectations of ourselves that stress us out. I wonder whether, if I didn't expect so much of myself - or if I didn't want things to be at the standard that I want them - whether I'd be more content with less.

I fear that. I fear restricted options - I fear regretting not putting my all into things.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

It's virtually official. I know it's a bit anti-climaxish... But I'm excited about it.

That's one less thing I need to worry about this semester :)


Monday, April 19, 2004

Oh my goodness.
I've spent most of my day off at home watching Kev's prelim version of our "All I Need is You" commercial.
Can't help but just laugh at the whole thing - it actually looked like we were having fun!


PS. My Tita from LA called and she's telling me how she's planning what we can do while I'm staying with them for 4 days in June. How exciting! She's planning to take me to Universal Studios... and shop out the outlets! WOO WOO!

neyl says:
    friends is so funny
8-) says:
    yeh thats what we could be nel
neyl says:
    bags being rachel
8-) says:
    no gotta be pretty
8-) says:

Sunday, April 18, 2004

>Feeling a bit... helpless.
Past couple of days have been a little bit hectic... in terms of uni work. It's gotten so bad that I've neglected 3 of my 4 subjects when I've got assignments just as trying due real soon! I'm probably not going into work tomorrow because it's so bad. Which means of course that I should make up for the work I'm missing out on somehow. I've got priorities though - and an important one is to GRADUATE.

Friday night, we had an informal group meeting for accounting. It turned out okay. We planned what we were doing the next day (yesterday) and just went over other bits and pieces we needed to clarify.

Yesterday was pretty fun. It was a long day, a tiring day... but I'm pretty happy with what we got done. Jos and Henry picked me up an hour late (= ontime filo time) and we went to get Minh and Tommy for our first bit of video shooting for the day.

Minh, Tommy and I hung out in the breakout rooms for what felt like almost an hour filming Tommy's "Warren for Virgin Mobiles" skit. My tummy was sore from laughing, and I suppose a little sore coz I was hungry too! Since we were running late, everyone met up at uni instead of Maroubra (which was going to be our next stop). Llewol and Lylie came down too coz they were in the city checking out the GP sale. Since we were altogether, we used the TAFE footpath to shoot the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" introduction sequence. I was so proud of the boys! They looked so slick and they were so enthusiastic about being gay men (although they probably looked like a bunch of models instead of gay men). It didn't take us too long to get that skit complete, coz let's face it, they were just walking. So we went off to Maroubra.

Maroubra is such a beautiful beach. Pity we went there primarily to do uni related stuff because it'd be a fun day if we just chilled out there the whole time. Wasn't too bad though because the commercial we were shooting - dubbed "All I Need Is You" - really just consisted of us chilling out. So we played volleyball and frisbee for a while. We went closer to the water to build a sandcastle to jump onto as well! They were so proud of it though that we were planning to just dive over it because we didn't want to ruin our creation! But it had to be done. In about 2 takes, we demolished our beloved sandcastle. We wrote in the sand, ran away from the waves and we even built a human pyramid! That was tres cool. I think we got enough footage to fill in the 2 minute commercial we're planning to have!

Everyone started leaving and the sun was out... so Minh, Dave, Bjorn and I decided to stay for a little longer to take a swim. The waves at that beach were monsterous! I had to boob check everytime one hit me. And sometimes, the strength of my body (which isn't much really..) wasn't enough to hold myself up... the waves was soooo strong!

Anyway, we had to leave eventually. We dropped Minh off at Town Hall coz she was going up to St. Leonards then Dave drove Bjorn home and me to Groove - which I couldn't get into because I'd come to late! Argh! What a waste! Despite the fact that I sooked so much about having to go, I was a little upset that I didn't get to. Don't tell anyone I said that.

Had an early night last night. Seeya!

Thursday, April 15, 2004

The past few days...

MOST 'made me jealous' MOMENT
Talking about ALIAS at metcentre
m1: Oh Nel, you have to see episode 17!
m1: I haven't gotten that yet! Is it out?
m2: Yes, it's the best! Oh my gosh!
m1: Episode 17 was the best! It was so, 'yay' - 'oh no' - 'but yay'
m2: Watch Episode 18!

... and it was about that time I decided to block my ears because I was almost certain I was going to burst.

I think there must've been something in my lunch today, or in the BOOST I got afterward because I felt crazy sick tonight. It's gone now after I had dinner... but it wasn't good at the time...

MOST 'i am fit' MOMENT
Running to and from Mimosa Rd from the gym without getting really tired

MOST 'get me out of here' MOMENT
Sitting in a room for over 3 and a half hours doing a bunch of psychometric and aptitude tests

MOST 'hurting the vocal chords' MOMENT
Singing along with Sheryn Regis on my taped version of her singing Come on in out of the Rain

MOST 'thats what you get for being nice' MOMENT
Leaving an hour later than planned last night because I had to get some mods in for today's release - and making Lowell wait with me

MOST 'gosh Im a midget' MOMENT
TIE: Walking between m1 and m2 + talking to Danny standing 2 steps lower than him

MOST 'thats what I get for seeking comfort' MOMENT
Seeing "not your usual type of skid marks" on the toilet seat of the disabled toilets *shudder*

MOST 'Im going to be poor' MOMENT
Reserving my flight to the US in July. I've only done the SYD-LAX-NWK/JFK-LAX-SYD legs too and that's setting me back a good lot already! Haven't even thought of the NWK-SEA-FLO trip yet!

MOST 'whatta bunch of girls' MOMENT
Veed, Kres, Kut and I making an unsuccessful attempt at putting up a volleyball net. Lucky Bjorn came to save us!

MOST 'good sleep' MOMENT
Sleeping well before 9pm Monday night... waking up bright and early to do a gym session in the city.

MOST 'teeny bopper' MOMENT
Agreeing to go to groove...

MOST 'manipulative' MOMENT
See above...

Veed: That must kill *blahblahblah* I can only imagine what it's doing to you. (ok so that's a bit censored)

MOST 'thats sweet' MOMENT
X: I'm willing to, and don't laugh when I say this, take a fall for you

MOST 'not a waste' MOMENT
Sitting around for an hour thinking about our PMQA assignment with no clue - then coming up with, what we thought was, a very good third of a WBS

MOST 'what a waste' MOMENT
Right now. Because I should be doing some homework *doh*

Ok bye!

Sunday, April 11, 2004

SCENE: Veed and I were sitting around with our cousins Kim, Kris and Kate at Ate Dana's son's Christening reception. Us girls are getting a little maternal and we're planning the exact time we're all going to try and conceive so we all have a batch of kids around the same time

Veed: Y'know what's sad? It's so cool having you guys as first cousins, but when we all have babies, they won't all by first cousins. Well, Ate and mine will be, but ours (gestures towards our cousins) won't be *sigh*

Kris: Awww... why?

Kim: WHY Kristela??

Yep. We thought that was funny.

Last night Nix and I road tripped it to the city for my first clubbing experience since Jess and Therese's back in December last year. T'was quite an okay experience... mainly coz there were lots of fun people around and all right? I even made some new friends (Joe reckons it's coz my hair had so much volume) AND we went club hopping. Okay... so we only went to one other place for 10 minutes... but still! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA, PAT AND TONI RAE!

Nix and I had some good d&m's to and from the city. I love that. Because sometimes, you have problems that you can't really talk to anyone about for one reason or another - it's just nice to be able to do it with someone so comfortably.

I had so many mixed emotions going through me last night. It's funny coz, last week, I was so happy. I was at this stage where everything seemed to go so good, so positive. I was Hawaii bound, a Mac grad position was in the cards, I had zero to worry about. The past couple of days have just been a little hard on my head. I don't know what's going on in parts of my life - where some of my relationships are going, and then there's another things that's gonna change - not in my life, but I feel like it'll affect me indirectly... it's just all happening. Just gotta learn to deal right?

HAHA... I just send something fun in MSN:
neyl ; no grtr love says:
    i'm ashley judd (in someone like you)... a bit of lorelai gilmore... and a bit of sydney bristow

... well I reckon I am :)

Ok bye.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

I was gonna post today. But then I realised the post I did last year today is pretty relevant. So... refer to that, if you can find it.

Actually, you know what? I'm really upset. I guess in times like these, you realise where you stand. You realise how valued you are. I know where I stand. Actually, I've always known it. Even if I was told otherwise. Actions speak louder than words. That's all.

Friday, April 09, 2004

Christ suffered for you and left you an example, to have you follow in his footsteps. He did no wrong; no deceit was found in his mouth. When he was insulted, he returned no insult. When he was made to suffer, he did not counter with threats. Instead, he delivered himself up to the One who judges justly. In his own body he brought your sins to the cross, so that all of us, dead to sin, could live in accord with God's will. By his wounds you were healed.
- 1 Peter 2:21-24

O Lord our God, you are worthy
to receive glory and honour and power...

For you were slain;
with your blood you purchased for God
men of every race and tongue, of every people and nation
- From the book of Revelations

For our sake Christ was obedient, accepting even death, death on a cross!

Thursday, April 08, 2004


* Fit, happy, healthy
* Two of my girls scored interviews and I'm tres happy for them!
* The uni onslaught has begun
* I'm feeling a little confused
* Tuesday's ALIAS was excellent
* At the CAREERS FAIR yesterday, I decided there are a number of other places I want to apply to - don't know if I want them
* I wanna sing 'Feelin' Way Too Damn Good' at Mamo's 21st
* Going for my first psyche test next Thursday hmm
* I have to go to the toilet

Aite bye.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

It surprises me that my body isn't tired from my lack of rest the past few nights.

Thursday - out at midnight + up at 5.30am = 5.5 hours
Friday - all-night vigil + out at Sat 8am + up at noon = 4 hours
Saturday - karaoke till 3.30 + out around 4am + up at 9.30am = 5.5 hours

Ok, it's not as bad as other people's sleeping records. But I don't think my body is used to that.
Thing is too, I can't sleep any more than I have. Weird, and actually not very interesting.

When I got home last night, I realised I was out for a whole 12 hours for that girl! I popped out at 4pm Saturday to meet Ana and Vin to buy Alisa's present (and score myself some discounted shoes from JAG) then headed straight for Al's to chillout. We talked, ate, played with Pogi (her new dog), went back to my house because I forgot the adaptor for my "Any Sing" and returned for a nice 3 and a half hour karaoke session.

Karaoke was fun last night, as usual. After the non-karaoke-enthused team retired for the night, Vin, Al and I went off again. We discovered that we all had different ranges and combined our voices to turn our individual scores of 88, 90 and 93 into a combined effort of 96 in Run To You. Good fun.

That's all for now. Seeya later!