hocus FOCUS!

ADORE2005 rocked Sydney! Although I was in the background a lot more this year, I still learnt a great deal and I (like to think I) came out a better person than I was when I went in. Most of all, it touched my heart to see the number of people at the congress who were touched by the whole experience. Therese described it in the most perfect way in her blog.

Part of me is glad it's over though. That was a HECTIC week. I had to sleep late, wake up early and move around all day. It's good to just chill again. That's what work leave is for right?

Fr. John told me two things that stuck in my mind:
1. "You think too much. You analyse too much; and when you analyse too much, you become paralysed"
2. "You just don't know how to commit to any of your resolutions"

Sheesh.

So anyway, I think there's something wrong with me. SO many times in the past week, I'd be thinking about something, then I'd snap back into reality and I'd completely forget what I was thinking about. It's pretty bad man. Sometimes I'd be thinking about something really "important" (read: important to me) and I'd lose everything. Damn.

I was listening to Bad Habit in the car today and I started thinking...

How many times have we resolved to let go of something, only to be plagued with the mantra that goes:

It wasn't good for me, but it was good

and suddenly, the resolution we made is blown to bits.

MY answer: so many freaking times!

I've now resolved to change my focus. My mantra now goes:

It was good, but it wasn't good for me

...making sure my last thought is the reason I resolved to let go - that it wasn't good for me, that it wasn't meant to be. So many times, we hold on ever so tightly on the good parts of our experiences in life, our relationships, that we just can't move on from them. We keep looking back, blocking out the fact that, during our good experiences, we'd be feeling silent hurt.

There are always going to be things in life I wish were different but I can't fight for something I'm never really going to win.

So that's where I am right now. I'm making myself over.
I'm trying to plan more, and commit to plans more.
I'm trying to make sure my heart and my mind are cooperating.
I'm trying not to over-analyse so much that I become paranoid.

It's difficult because being a tad non-committal, emotional, and analytical is me. So I feel like I'm changing me. But in the words of Henri Bergson:

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.

... and JFK

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

In other news...
* My mum's coming home before the end of the week!
* Maria Sharapova is HOT

That's it. Sorry about the randomness of this post. Laters!