Monday, January 03, 2005

the real "chalk and cheese"

There really is nothing that can be done about our relationship right now. It just cannot be fixed if you ask me. There's an air of annoyance, indifference and contempt. It's sad. It might go away when the circumstances that brought it about goes away, but it's upsetting to know that we just can't live in harmony in the midst of such a big trial in our lives.

There's so much anger. It doesn't help much that we're both have just as much anger as each other. Freakin' genetics. I'm almost afraid of having kids EVER now in fear that I'll pass it onto them. Imagine having to deal with a teenager like me?? Also, I'm almost afraid of ever getting that close with anyone that they'll feel my wrath (ok, I'm exaggerating, but it's still pretty relevant) because it'll really hurt them.

On somewhat of a TANGENT, remember when I said I don't like secrets? I came to the conclusion today (you do a lot of thinking when you're in a hospital reading nonsensical books) that I don't like being a secret. There's just something really unnatural, uncomfortable and fake about it. Unfortunately, this train of thought did not veer anywhere toward a solution so I'm stumped.

I've also resolved to stop waiting for people to be available to watch a movie with me anymore. I'm gonna go watch some on my own (yes I can, yes I can, yes I can). Either that, or I'll just do a lot of solo DVD nights. They could work. I just hate being so behind on the movie scene coz I have to wait for a movie friend. That's pointless. Although these days... I don't really have time to do movies or the sort.

Such is life.

Ok, bye!

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